Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/11/10/5-innovative-massage-guns-that.html
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Before you make any clever onanist jokes, keep in mind we already beat them raw a few months prior.
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These products are designed for wellness and stress-free, healthy living… Let’s call them “guns”.
Welcome to America.
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Maybe if the ammosexuals used those guns regularly there would be a drop in shootings.
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Whoever did the copywriting deserves an award.
A really BIG award, given to them again and again and again.
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Ahem —
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I know it’s easy enough to just rub one out again and again, but enough of the self-gratifying puns, ficuswhisperer. Sheesh!
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No love for the Hitachi Magic Wand?
Two settings and plug in power! It’s fantastic, and my wife has no idea that I sometimes take it out of her drawer when she’s not home and use it on my sore neck. Best $$$ spent ever.
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Of course muscle relief is the euphemism.
Clearly the best use is this http://imgur.com/gallery/yns7gcy
Or possibly this http://imgur.com/gallery/xdB0LWf
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Yes. The best use by far is to massage one’s pussy.
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Is it bad that I read this as “machine guns” and immediately went to wow, this whole “OK boomer” thing has escalated quickly!
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So, how good are they against a clitoris?
Just asking.
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And I keep reading it as “blast your arches away”, and every time I think Wow, that’s some serious podiatry……oh!
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I’m glad I wasn’t the only one.
Even though I know it’s aches I still can’t help thinking that these are supposed to be used on one’s feet.
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Yes, how come I read it wrong every. single. time. that I scroll through the list of bbs topics?? You’d think it would have registered by now—but no, it’s new every time 
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The entire premise is wrong.
Massage after exercise actually decreases blood flow: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19997015.
Muscle ache has nothing to do with lactic acid: https://nohandsmassage.com/myth-lactic-acid/
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Depends on the dodge roll the clitoris makes.
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A free training session at the gym concluded with him giving me a treatment with one of these guns. It was impressive enough that I looked into getting one, but the price is just too high.
I found a very old model at a garage sale for a few bucks that works almost as well, and comes with a long handle to reach the back, which these new ones don’t have. And it has two balls instead of one on the end so you know it is not going to tarnished with the possibility of being used for earth women with their single yoni.
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WTH does ‘dodge roll’ mean?
