I try, I try 
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The last few actual dates I was on were utter disasters, and affirmed my belief that thereās a lot of loonies out there who donāt appear to be loonies on the surface, but oh boy, are they odd. Iāve been āghostedā several times and itās no fun at all. But Iāve never known a woman to just vanish on a guy; itās always guys who just stop calling, assuming that taking the passive-aggressive approach is perfectly OK somehow.
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Itās a lottery unfortunately.
EDIT
Is ghosting by women that rare? It definitely happened to me before.
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I am aware.
Thatās what makes it all the more insulting; Iād even prefer a passive aggressive post-it to the repeated āHoudiniā impersonationsā¦
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Got it, in that case then these jackwagons are goddamned cowards who donāt know what the hell they want and expected a quick messing about while theyāre considering getting that sports car and when they realized that you might, not even definitely, mind you, just might, want something in any kind of long-term relationship, well, āI donāt know if Iām ready for that! Iām too set in my ways!ā
Seriously, Iām 42 and all the guys my age that are unmarried are cowards who are reluctant to give up their Saturday night poker game instead of just talking it over like a real person and telling their dates that they have other things they like to do in their spare time. Because Iām assuming you have similar things that you like to do but they donāt quite realize it.
Even worse would be when they realize that your other things might possibly take priority over them and they just canāt handle it.
Goddamned cowards. Youāre better off without them. You deserve someone who looks at you like you are magic when you tell them about your spare time hobbies that you donāt need them around for because they would be able to keep doing their things as well.
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I got nothing, but people weird me out IRL, so Iām gonna go with the āheās a dickheadā option.
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Iām going with the āghostingā idea. I was guilty of this years ago until a woman Iād been dating rode me the riot act for 1) not calling, 2) not writing, 3) not doing anything following our third(?), fourth(?) date. It was early in college and we ran into one another in a grocery store parking lotāholy hell did she give me grief. Whacked me with her purse and didnāt stop until I essentially sat on my heels and covered my head. It was an unpleasant lesson and an unpleasant way to learn it.
Since that point, it was clearly a lot easier on everyone involved to be open about whatās going on in my headāif I donāt feel a romantic connection, but I do feel a platonic connection, then āletās be friendsā has gained me some great friends. Without either of those connections, āI donāt think itās going to work outā is the easiest and quickest way forward. Leaving people in limbo and using the easiest and most common methods of communication as a shield is just prolonging everyoneās misery. And when weāre still seeing someone else, leaving that statement unmade for too long can result in bad enough things of its own accord.
Cut these losers away. The Real Deal HolyField is out there somewhere.
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I know.
Sorry; it sucks when people donāt have the integrity to keep it 100 with youā¦ or themselves.
It seems like Iām becoming less of a fan, with each passing year.
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There is also this song.
I think both men and women use this as a cowardās way out. Some people canāt deal with the discomfort of any kind of breakup. But I think there is a sub group of guys who view dating as a game who do it more callously and deliberately, like a tactic.
The one time I was classically cut off like this it was by a woman but Iāve had guys semi-avoid me too. But Iāve also had relatively few partners plus all the extra complicated dynamics of a poly situation. One guy was actually diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder so I took that into account dealing with him.
Iāve never done it. I had a long distance partner where we gradually stopped contacting each other. But I think he still talks to my primary partner once in a blue moon and Iād probably give him a heads up if I visited his city.
Edit: fixed link that I messed while trying to post from phone.
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At least you actually learned the lesson.
The cord is already cut; once someone shows me that they donāt even have any basic consideration for me, itās a wrap.
I just wanted to hear some insight as to why some people seem to think this shit is okay.
The answers Iāve gotten make sense, even if the reality of the sitch sucks.
Meh. I think I give up.
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Males and females alike do similar things. Usually, people I know occupy either extreme from indifference to stalking, with little happy medium. I suppose because people are lazy, yet easily fixated.
Something that happens with me which probably seems similar is that I have pretty much no sense of the passage of time. I can just walk up to a person and resume an interrupted conversation we were having a year ago. Or alternately be amazed that it was three whole weeks ago that they emailed me when it feels like it just happened. But it seems to me that this doesnāt happen with most people.
Another freakish and annoying thing I do is try to avoid dating at all. My egalitarian method is to not make some relationships with people any more or less intimate than others. I try to be maximally open, while avoiding feelings of attachment, with varying degrees of success.
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Pops, stop.
Sorry, but I didnāt even bother to read your comment; simply because youāve already repeatedly demonstrated youāre not operating on the same plane of perception/reality as I am.
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I wouldnāt break off contact with anybody if they did or said something stupid. Stupid is easy to forgive. But itās possible you said or did something (or are something) that makes him ashamed. Shame will stop communication dead, and you probably canāt fix it. (Unless youāre also his therapist, in which case youāre definitely the problem.)
Either that or he got locked up.
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Oh good! Thatās usually when the right person comes along.
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Nothing wrong with that.
Waste no more time on them, I assure you, if they ever give you a second thought it will be with regret over their own jerkitude, none for what distress they may cause you personally.
Lets say, for the sake of argument, that you did something that pushed them away:
1.- Good, if youāve just been yourself then good on you. Keep doing that.
2.- Even if they felt something wasnāt working, then its still on them to bow out gracefully.
The only possible fair question here is how can identify these people sooner?
You canāt, they have a lot of practice and they hide it really well.
Iām sorry you met such rude jerks, waste no more energy on them.
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I wonāt overshare here, but the only thing I ādidā was something that he thanked me profusely forā¦ so I donāt think thatās it.
As of last night, he was still posting to FB, so I think you may be 0 for 2.
With what, exactly?
I guess thatās what Iām really trying to figure out here; how to avoid such people going forward.
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With having perceptions and experiences different than yours, or even different than the norm, assuming the two are significantly different.
I canāt speak for all men, because I have never even been tempted to do what youāre describing in this topic. There is a surprisingly long list of things I never wanted to do or never much cared for. Iām not really the best judge of what is normal and what isnāt, and Iām largely thankful for that, because trying to be normal has mostly caused me pain.
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By the way, thanks for not calling this A Question for the Regular Males. I bet youāre getting a lot more comments than a thread like that would.
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Twice a day like clockwork!
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