I wish that adults could act like adults.
Some relationships don’t work out- that’s ok. Nobody has to be “at fault”. But to not be honest with where you are (or aren’t, I suppose) in a relationship is just some jv-level middle school shit.
I don’t care if it’s “a thing” now. It’s stupid an immature and wrong.
Agreed.
Back in the day (i.e. before texting became commonplace) we had a saying: “the third call makes you a stalker.” Meaning if you’ve called twice and haven’t got a call back, calling a third time puts you firmly in stalker territory. And we meant “stalker” in the creepy sense, not the cutesy OKCupid sense.
These days, if it’s just one or two dates, I’ve learned to take the hint and no longer feel put out by it. It’s just that common. But if you’ve been “dating” dating, then yeah, it’s still pretty crappy and stings to be on the wrong end of it.
I hope that’s a good thing—that your circumstances have improved.
I’ve wanted to contribute something to this thread from the beginning but have struggled to do so. Obviously what you’ve been through sucks and you don’t deserve to be treated that way.
The trouble is I’ve never “ghosted” anyone, although I have been through some really awful breakups. In one case it was even worse because I didn’t even know we were in a relationship. The closest I’ve come to being ghosted myself is when someone I was dating slept with a mutual friend and both of them kept it from me. We all still hung out together but they both became very distant and I, clueless as I usually am, couldn’t figure out why. I realize they were trying to spare my feelings but the road to Hell is paved with good intentions and their actions put down some serious asphalt. And they didn’t spare me any hurt. They just hurt me in a different way.
Hopefully calling out “ghosting” as assholish and cruel will make it shameful enough that people, especially guys, will be more aware of its effects and maybe, just maybe, stop doing it.
I did this one time, when I was about 16. Something I found embarrassing happened on a date, I was obsessing and embarrassed over the incident, and did not call her for a while. She finally called me, and it turned out that the incident I was mortally embarrassed over was something she had barely noticed and quickly forgot. It was really stupid behavior on my part, but I was 16.
The main point is that she did nothing to deserve being avoided, and likely would never have known why, had she not called me after a couple of weeks.
don’t know. He might have found someone new and doesn’t know how to end it with you. He could be a total prick and is stringing you along. He could have been sucked into the Red Pill bullshit. hard to say, but that sucks you have to go through that.
edit:
well I should learn to read the comments. I see that things have changed so disregard what I said! Or not…
So, having just dipped in to this thread, and bearing the quote above in mind (congratulations! ) … and at the risk of #notallmen …
I haven’t deliberately ghosted an ex (I don’t think?) but I have been in situations where life-stuff has come up for a while, and I haven’t spoken to someone for a while, and suddenly a few months have gone, and I start feeling awkward and embarrassed about that, and not being sure how to deal with it, which quickly leads to a not very helpful spiral of not wanting to deal with the embarrassment so extending the separation leading to more embarrassment, and so on. And, yes, I realise that isn’t especially helpful or healthy behaviour
What I’m trying to say, I guess, is it might just be social awkwardness and embarrassment.