Alex Jones says he's ready to "gut his neighbors, skin them, and chop them up" for food

Are you sure you’re not thinking of Limbaugh?

As far as I know Alex Jones isn’t currently fighting any serious health conditions, unless you count that bowl of chili that gave him amnesia during his kids’ custody hearing.

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“Faith, if he be not rotten before he die—as we have many pocky corses nowadays that will scarce hold the laying in— he will last you some eight year or nine year.”
– W. Shakespeare - Hamlet, Act 5, Scene 1

Aye, there’s the rub.

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You know, it would be awesome if his neighbors used this to get a restraining order against him that required that he keep a minimum of 500 yards distance from them, you know, so he can’t legally even live in his own house…

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“I will drink your blood.”

Well that’s a great way to prevent the spread of disease among humans!

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There’s an arras pun there somewhere…

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“…I will eat your leftist ass like corn on the cob.”

That way would prove difficult, Alex; there is another way, you know. May I suggest…

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Even if he’s bananas, he still needs to keep the rays out.

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He seems nice.

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How’s the food? Depends on the people.

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The Purge isn’t the right vibe for Acadia. Acadia Parish’s two biggest towns are “the rice capital of America” and “the frog capital of the world”. I haven’t been to the frog festival since I was a kid, but if I were to set a horror movie there it would have to involve lots of gorey scenes of people running through the rice fields as the swarm of murderous frogs ate them. It might make a great Alex Jones vehicle

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So…

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Plot twist: This has nothing to do with Coronavirus. He just likes eating people.

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Mmmm, benzobacon.

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Eating ass? Do you want corona virus? Because that is how you get corona virus.

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He doesn’t hunt people for sport, only food.

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Not if his neighbors eat him first.

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Wait…she lost her kids to him? A judge had to choose between him and nearly any other humanoid creature on the planet and gave the kids to him? I’m skeptical about anyone who would marry him, but I can’t imagine it’s possible from a statistical perspective that many people could be less qualified to be parents in any fashion than him.

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