.[quote=“Mindysan33, post:121, topic:100633”]
Rape itself is not taken seriously.
[/quote]
I think a small portion of that falls into the “whistling in the dark” category. A teeny portion.
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cc @emo_pinata Is it possible that the physical act of rape is more often male committed against female; whereas being emotionally violated (I am not sure how to phrase it because emotional rape is definitely not right) is perhaps more often female committed against male?
Not sure if this question I am posing is clear.
And his life turned around after telling me. He told his closer friends, and had a stronger circle in the end. I mean, it quickly was a pretty misogynist circle… but he was probably having darker thoughts before. I know that once he left high school he was able to speak to women a lot better, and I know that even before he told me he became close friends with a German girl when he was her family’s exchange student and they stayed close as long as I knew him. I don’t know. I have not thought about it in a long time.
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At that point in our marriage, there wasn’t much of that left. And I “thought” I loved the other one. But you’re not going to know that, durh, because you don’t know me personally and I haven’t possibly bored you to tears with my life story. Either way, it’s…damaging, which is a hell of an understatement.
UNRELATED NOTE: Do not ever type or try to say “helluva understatement”. It’s very weird rolling off the tongue.
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Oh, she drugged him.
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I think that emotional violations go both ways. People hurt each other in pretty terrible ways, sometimes it’s people who get off on it, and sometimes it’s people hurting each other without meaning to do so (or because of how a relationship can fall apart).
Can you define this notion of “emotional rape” though and maybe explain why you think this would be a more feminine thing to do? I’ve seen that, for sure, but I’ve seen men do it just as much.
Physical rape needs some sort of power imbalance to happen, I think. Since in society men are generally more powerful than women, and are often socialized to think of women as there to fulfill their needs, rather than existing as their own entities, it’s more common for women to be raped. But men also rape men they see as less powerful and more powerful women can rape others, too.
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I was going to reply to your first post re this person by asking, “Did he overcome it?”, then I saw this, so thanks for anticipating my question (whether you did or not, lol)!
It’s tough to get over. I’ve had a relationship since, but that was reined in at the request of my partner, long story, we’re still good friends. But I want to have sex again, and I can’t just be casual about it like I was in my 'teens. I simply can’t force myself to go out and trust some man I’ve had no experience spending time with to treat me with respect.
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Hopefully, he got some help in therapy or some such.
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well…we all sort of assume that if there is a romantic relationship of any kind there is or was some form of love involved. Maybe a strong like? A deep sense of connection? I dunno…maybe you just date X person because they own a coffee shop and you get java for free. (I may have been guilty of that once).
Oh, that falls under “messing with the mind”, which I think ALL humans are capable of doing, no matter what their gender.
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I agree. Gaslighting and such. I do think it still involves power to some degree, because having a culture around you which can reinforce the abusive mentality means it’s easier for the abuser to get away with it. But yeah, that can go both ways, for sure. Though I’d bet that women are more likely to emotionally abuse their children or a younger partner.
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Oh definitely, people who want power usually can’t get it without some form of emotional and/or intellectual manipulation on their part!
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@Mindysan33 I think this sums it up…“mental fuckery”
I am thinking of how something pop culture like portrays this. An episode of LO: SVU would show a man physically raping a woman and the consequences thereof. While a comparable episode would be how its a man murdering a woman because she “played” him emotionally. Again…if I am not being clear in my analogy let me know.
I agree…its not something that has to be gender specific. Men can play mind games just as much as women can; however, I can personally speak to having been mind-frelled by a woman. She lied about so many things about herself it was ridiculous. And I believed far too many of those lies.
A TV show? I don’t hold much with those when it comes to stuff like this, forgive me?
Definitely not - we just have different styles of doing it. Women are considered to be more “emotional” than men, just as men are considered to be more “physical” than men. But it’s just silly to make such broad generalizations any more, because, as the song goes, it ain’t necessarily so.
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Sure. I’ve been so abused by men. I think we all have that one person (or in some cases more) in the past of someone who was emotionally manipulative. Sometimes, that can veer off into forms of physical abuse as well - rapes and beatings. And that can go both ways as well.
But in the SVU example, the woman in both cases is still the primary victim, right? Despite lying, the dude KILLED her. What’s the saying, men are afraid women will laugh at them, but women are afraid that men will kill them?
I do think that we absolutely need to undo the entire mythology about how men and women are. Stereotypes of silent masculinity and passive femininity just needs to die in a fire already, because it says nothing about the complexity of human relationships. As long as there are patriarchal structures out there, men and women are hurt by these structures, in different ways, but we’re both hurt. I mean, this is a key point of many feminists, that the typical masculine stereotype hurts men just as much as it hurts women.
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How weird that all that was needed was a man to explain it ‘correctly.’
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Yee-ahhh, that kind of bothered me. I thought I read it wrong at first, but after you pointed it out, I went up and re-read it.
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or perhaps the two people in question did the adult thing and spoke directly to one another about it and came to an agreement independently of said explanation?
#>_>
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@Mindysan33 ok. lets be clear…I was thinking specifically of LO:SVU as a widely viewed program that deals with emotional and physical assault between genders as its core premise. And yes, that is generally how those scripts play out. I wasn’t judging it good, bad, or otherwise…just trying to make the analogy. (its a fairly dumb show at this point)
