An orifice-by-orifice census of the objects US emergency room doctors removed from their patients in 2017


#1

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2017/12/28/flared-bases.html


#2

Million to one shot Doc.


#3

“PUT PAPERCLIP THROUGH URETHRA AND PUNCTURED THROUGH THE SHAFT OF PENIS”


#4

I don’t see any head-rectum listings, so I expect 2018 to be much the same as 2017.


#5

Rectum? Why I hardly even…


#6

Lets check:

PENIS:

  • PIECE OF DOMINO - Either a freakishly small domino piece or a freakishly huge urethra.
  • COAXIAL CABLE - That was a wild night at the AV Club!

VAGINA:

  • BIKE REFLECTOR - How? What? WHY? BUT HOW!?

ANUS:

  • BAG OF ORAL TOBACCO - No longer “oral”.
  • TOOTHBRUSH - Molars are difficult to reach, have to be creative. Understandable.
  • TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER - Have to charge that toothbrush somewhere!
  • 3 AA BATTERIES - Silly, everybody know humans use two 9-volt batteries.

#7

Cory’s photo appears to show one of the new Donald Trump IUDs. They are reported to be far more uncomfortable than others on the market, but are 100% reliable in preventing implantation. They are allegedly highly effective at preventing impregnation and penetration, as well.


#8

Eddie Hitler, have you been sleep doodling again?

image


#9

Not strictly a bodily orifice, but definitely cringe-worthy:

FOOT:

  • KICKED A WALL WITH A TOOTHPICK UNDER HIS TOENAIL

#10

My step-father has one story about an interesting symposium he attended on foreign objects found in the human body. One example stood out: a toolbox stuck in the rectum of a male patient. What immediately came to my mind was one of those humongous Snap-on rollaway tool storage chests. Obviously – OBVIOUSLY – the toolbox must have been one of those little jobbies kept around by apartment dwellers. Maybe.


#11

Don’t jobbies usually go in the other direction?

Noun

jobbie (plural jobbies)

(Scotland, slang) Faeces; a piece of excrement.
2008, James Kelman, Kieron Smith, Boy, Penguin, published 2009, page 85:

Ye had to watch no to step in mud or a puddle or else in jobby, dogs were aye doing jobbies, or else ye watched for broken glass.


#12

The batteries one reminds me of the Shining Dragon.


#13

Hoot mon!

I’m here on the right side of ‘The Big Pond’ (specifically SoCal); here, “jobbies” sort of casually (sometimes softly derisive) refers to “things”.


#14

Back in the 1990s, I stumbled across this story, about a retired RAF officer, on a now-defunct website called, “I Took The Call.” That was back in the day when you could actually surf from one end of the Internet to the other, and I was researching a curious bit of graffiti I kept seeing around Seattle.

https://people.well.com/user/cynsa/newpiles.html#shell

Yes, a 20 mm shell.


#15

As the old saying goes: anything is a dildo/buttplug, if you’re brave enough.


#16

Ahhh the ol’ butt chug…

Is our culture doomed? I ask myself, as I finish putting what is now a full glass of Franzia into my ass.

https://www.vice.com/amp/en_us/article/qbwndw/things-i-learned-from-butt-chugging


#17

Thing pulled out of ass in 2017: 2017.


#18

I can’t look. Any parasite removal?


#19

#20

If you ever touched your tongue to the terminals of a 9 volt battery, you can only guess what that would feel like as a suppository. My question is Marbles? Got to think you could pass them, even shooters.