You know the sorry sack of shit is going to be all tears and regrets when it comes time for his plea bargain. He will, at long last, give a fuck.
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Probably the most interesting thing about this story is that the guy apparently had $200 stashed inside his penis, which could then be extracted via oral sex.
I’m guessing that wasn’t two hundred George Washingtons, but two Ben Franklins. . . “Urethra Franklins” as they call them.
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Dunno … what does this get you in the US? 3.5 bajillion years in labor camp, death penalty, 3.5 million $ lawyer fees?
I’m just wondering why he kept insisting what was clearly a public road was actually his driveway.
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Gated community was said. Because that looks like such a dangerous hood you need walls and guards. Angry, scared little man just big on the outside. Did he just want to get angry at someone, anyone?
Even though he’s now arrested for felony assault, no doubt it will get plead down to misdemeanor, because he’s an “upstanding citizen” and it’s cheaper than taking it to trial. He won’t even lose his drivers license. And he’ll walk away thinking he was a victim, and be even angrier the next time and not hit the brakes before he runs someone over. Bet on it.
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The dearly missed industrial punk band Babyland had a song about Ramona (where one of the band members was from) that taught me everything I need to know about it.
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“Because it’s MY BALL, and you guys can’t play with it, LOSERS!”
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I knew that mantra reminded me of something.
Opposite end of the spectrum from The Dude, though.
Edit: Initially I thought he was angry at some annoying reporters that were hovering around his property but it was just a couple of dudes photographing a nice car. Crazy.
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He’s white, and lives in a gated community, which means he’s not poor. He’ll come out relatively unscathed.
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yeah, when was the last time you saw a driveway with a double yellow line down the middle? And in hindsight, I think that they should have called 911 pretty early in this encounter.
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The “gentleman” seems to be confusing “public road I use to get to my house that has the same name as the road in my address” as “my driveway.” If you’re bored and want to do some googling of his name, you’ll find the address and see the road outside of his gated community and it goes past other houses in the area. It’s clearly a public road and he was just being an entitled dick.
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I get that you could suck a dick for $200, but how exactly do you suck $200 out of a dick?
Being the owner of said equipment, I’m not ashamed to say that I may have a great money making plan if this is actually possible…
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Hmm how much are sperm banks paying these days?
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how does the money come out of his magic dick when it gets sucked though? Does he ejaculate the money, or does it just start coming out as soon as the dick starts getting sucked? If the latter at what rate does the money come out, really he seems like the kind of jerk who tells you that the money can be sucked out of his dick but it turns out that it gives a penny a minute.
Aside from these issues I would like to know if the currency is in fact in American dollars? I hope so but you never know with magic dicks, they have their own rules. How did he get a magic dick, did he spare the life of a prairie dog one time and in return it gave him one wish and he wished that money could be sucked from his dick and did this wish actually work out for him or have the issues about rate of currency transfer between the inside of the dick and the exterior world actually turned out to be their own sort of curse.
If the dick does give American dollars does it vary depending on the country, for example if he went on vacation in Italy and had his dick sucked there would it give Euros? He doesn’t really seem like the most intellectual type of guy so he probably hasn’t explored all the areas of his magic dick, and I worry that he is not using it at its full potential - which is a shame if true but what are you going to do when a guy has a magic money spewing dick and this is the best use he can think to make of it.
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I don’t know the population breakdown of that community but it has been my experience that if you don’t have any brown people to hassle they will find the next category of people they can fuck with with impunity.
So if his area is gentrified pretty well he might have gotten roughed up pretty good.
Glass half full!
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He took lessons in private property law from his dog? “I’ve peed here, therefore I own it”
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Intriguing question!
First, some arithmetic: We can assume a typical blow job involves 10 minutes of work. If we include time spent negotiating and getting paid, we can safely assume the job and transaction would be completed within 15 minutes.
$200 for 00:15 = $800/hourly rate.
1 blow job per weekday would be $200 x 5 days = $1000/weekly or $52000/year gross profit. Please note I am not accounting for gas, travel time, insurance, medical coverage, or other business expenses for providing Mr. Gordon with daily sessions of oral sex.
However, the unanswered question–and the more salient point–in the entire exchange involves the context and meaning of Mark Dwayne Gordon’s repeated, “I don’t give a fuck!” exhortations. Upon initial examination, “I don’t give a fuck,” could be interpreted to mean, “I do not care,” but if we examine Mark Dwayne Gordon’s declaration in conjunction with his offer of money for oral sex, the meaning of Mr. Gordon’s exclamations changes dramatically.
When Mark Dwayne Gordon declares “I don’t give a fuck,” his use of the word “give” means a gift of sex, freely given without an exchange of money. Further, Mr. Gordon’s use of the phrase “a fuck” refers to a specific act–a fuck or fucking–because Mark Dwayne Gordon subsequently clarified the act for which he wanted to pay: oral sex. Indeed, Mr. Gordon clearly and specifically stated he would not give sex for free; he declared he would only pay for it, under terms he clearly articulated.
Assumptions notwithstanding, two determinations can be made from watching this video: Mark Dwayne Gordon is in desperate need of a blow job, and a lucrative business opportunity exists for men willing–and brave enough–to suck Mr. Gordon’s penis.
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Authorities did not disclose a suspected motive for the attack.
We know the motive for the attack, those kids were in his fucking driveway!!!
HIS. FUCKING. DRIVEWAY.
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Wow, he appears to be a commercial pilot.
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