Yikes, that is a lot!
I hope on this solstice night you and yours can also take some time to meditate not only on what you’re turning your back on (which, that’s some huge stuff) but also on what you’re turning towards, and see brighter light in your future. 
You know we’re all rooting for you.
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I could aaaalllllllmost take them in stride if it weren’t for our well going dry and the Freedom® Grid verging on collapse every time our weather gets too hot or too cold here. The calculus is unlovable and for the non-millionaires, unsustainable.
My thanks to all here for the kind words of encouragement, for helping me put things in perspective.
It’s real work–for every human, every happy mutant–to protect one’s capacity for joy. And sanity. I see that struggle in this thread and the Fuck Today thread (among others).
Stay human, y’all.
and
solidarity
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I’m sorry things have gotten bad enough that you feel the need to upend your life. I hope you find someplace you can feel safe.
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But they TOTES promised this time that it would be ready for this storm! They super-promised! /s
Indeed!
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I’m feeling great today!!! I made a new real-life friend. We’re co-workers, both introverts and have only worked with each other a few times separated by months, yet we spent hours having deep conversations the past couple nights after work. She’s friends with our boss and told me he has zero issues with me being trans, so that was awesome to hear. It’s disappointing that she’ll be gone again soon, but she’ll be back full time in June.
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Awesome!
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Congrats! I’ve found making new friends as a childless adult working from home is a lot of work. Ten years here and I can count the new friends I’ve made on one hand. But they’re good friends and I cherish them.
I do sometimes miss the old days of partying at clubs and seeming to have a lot of “friends” but I know now having people to party with is not the same as having friends. Seems like you already know that, though.
A new real life friend is truly a gift, so merry belated Christmas. 
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UPDATE:
I’m aware that I’ve been absent for a while and folks have started to take notice.
My brother successfully navigated alcohol rehab, but is right back in the hospital again because of complications from a bacterial infection in his lungs that the doctors can’t immediately identify.
I regularly experience chronic depression, but the events of the last few weeks threw me into a deeper depression, and I spent most of that time in bed, feeling exhausted. Normally I am here on the BBS being snarky and cracking jokes even when in the midst of a low period (coping mechanism), but it’s been too much lately to even do that. Kitty litter didn’t get changed, personal hygiene was ignored, the whole bit.
I’ve been coming out of it the last couple of weeks, but I still have housecleaning and other duties to take care of, and get back to painting and fix my tablet so I can take photos again.
I just read this article, and thought I should post it because it feels so pertinent to what so many folks worldwide are experiencing. (I’m not suicidal, but yes I know how a lot of folks are feeling lately)
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Depression is a real beast. You can go months or even years just living your life like normal and then, all of a sudden, you don’t have the energy to do anything. You think you might have caught the flu, but you just can’t bring yourself to go to a doctor. And you don’t know why. There’s rarely some clear-cut inciting incident. Things pile up. Friends and family go uncontacted. People want to know why but there is no why. Everything is shrouded in fog and you’re not sad, per se; you’re just not really yourself and you feel like something is off. And days just melt away like that.
When you can finally start doing basic chores, that’s big. Don’t let anyone tell you that that’s nothing because that is always the first step in the right direction, and it’s important to get there.
Once you find yourself looking forward to something, even just the next episode of your favorite show, you’re on the right path back. Follow that and don’t look back. You’ve got this.
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I’m trying to sell a painting I have available for a few bucks to get kitty litter and cat food. Info at my thread, Knoxblox’s Re-Animated Blank Canvas.
I mean, this is one of the main issues for folks with chronic depression. So many people see depression as an occasional one-off, but for chronic sufferers it’s a repeat occurrence, and some folks just don’t seem to understand that.
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Not really, but I’m OK mostly. I have a psychiatrist that I see (appointment next month) and a select group of close friends.
But I’m OK.
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Why is it that the more exhausted you are, the harder it is to sleep, but then the less you sleep, the more exhausted you are the next day?
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There does seem to be a point at which the body just says “fuck it, I guess I’m awake now forever!”. I misspent my youth in the theatre and have known 72 hour days during tech week. Sleep is just weird.
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If you are like me, it’s because of anxiety about how little time you have to sleep before you have to get up again and/or I’ve been at full-speed all day and can’t get out of that mode. In both cases, spending 30 min decompressing (hot shower and cat petting with audiobook) means I ultimately get more sleep than trying to sleep without decompressing.
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Great strategies. I’ve also read that if we wake up in the middle of the night and start stressing or worrying, that’s exacerbated by the emotional part of our brain being more active then. I’ve noticed that indeed, if i remember what i was worrying about the next day, it’s never something that seems worrisome in the proverbial (and literal) light of day. So now, just knowing that makes it easier to calm down during such unwelcome bouts of wakefulness.
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That’s a good point! Everything seems worse in the middle of the night.
Part of why I listen to an audiobook is because it gives me something interesting to think about that isn’t a stressor from my own life. Tho suspenseful books don’t work as well. If I wake up and find myself worrying, I reset by getting some water and listening to a bit more of the book. My partner has particular books he only listens to at night that are familiar and comforting.
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I have used relaxation exercises to great benefit when I get stuck in one of those cycles. Makes my brain focus on something very banal rather than letting it run down whatever horrible path it decides would make me the most miserable.
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A technique that often helps me is thinking over and over “rest is almost as good as sleep”, and just thinking about resting, not sleeping. I try to synch thinking that with my breaths, on nights when sleep is evasive.
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I’m not OK.
One of my closest friends died unexpectedly only a week ago.
He was loved by and touched the lives of many, many people.
He had no family here. His brother flew in for the week to deal with remains and legal/financial stuff, but I (and my spouse, and a couple other people) will have to take care of the stuff, including thousands of books, photos, and paintings. (He was also a packrat, bordering on hoarder, but not of the piles-of-newspapers type – almost everything he kept had personal significance.)
We visited the apartment yesterday and seeing it all just reamplified the grief. This is going to be so hard, and what’s worse, I feel shitty for being focused on “stuff” while there are people wanting a memorial service and other support from me.
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