Been there.
Keep breathing.
So grateful your dad is getting some care. I know firsthand hospitals can be frustrating.
Hang in there.
And I send my thanks to your dad, without whom you would not be. Here. There. Now.
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Talked about this today with Annie, the owner of my fave coffee shop. Back in 1998, she had to spend time in JR because of DVT. She claimed it was a marvellous experience - big room, en-suite, plenty of staff etc.
25 years later, 'tis a very different story, so thank you, unnecessary austerity.
Anyway, she (Annie) made his favourite home-made egg-mayo sandwich and a slice of homemade fruitcake to go with it.
He says he canāt wait 'til dinner -
āWhat are we having tonight, Mr B?ā
āFrom you? NOTHING!ā
(Caps his own).
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Sorry to hear about your fatherās health.
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Thank you.
Thanks to all you mutants.
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Iām glad to hear sheās okay now.
My dad goes in tomorrow - they finally got a āplanā for him.
My brother and I were with him today. He told us about the cardiologist who explained to him that morning that his heart was failing and there is little they can do now, but that we werenāt to worry. He is in a good place mentally - heās 86 and happy to move on now, has requested a DNR, has sorted out all the arrangements for his kids, grandkids, and sendoff.
This sounds morbid, maybe it is, but, weirdly, Iāve never seen him less stressed in his life.
We might get a few days, a few weeks, or even a few years yet, you never know.
In case you didnāt know, Iām his live-in carer. At least twice a week for the past few years, Iāve brought him a cup of tea in the morning and, while heās still asleep, it looks like heās stopped breathing. Then a sudden gasp and (in my mind) āOh, itās not today, thenā¦ā
I live in a constant expectation of dread.
Lastly, please donāt regard this as a pity-me post, it is just me venting. I felt the need to put it somewhere. Thank you all for listening and for your kind support.
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Iām a bit late responding to this, but if you need any support or anything like that, Iām happy to help. Iāve been freelancing for 13 years now (I think). Weāre in different industries, but there are a lot of similarities in the nuts and bolts of being freelance, especially when it comes to avoiding burnout.
(@Jesse13927 same applies to you if you end up going this route).
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It sounds like you have both made your peace with what is going on and thatās a good, positive thing for whatever happens next
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Thanks, @anon59592690 , I think weāve all been ready for a while but, hey, we may get a whole lot more while yet.
Our regular late-morning stop in Annieās coffee shop was where I hit a brick wall for the first time today.
Now, my dad, and Annie and Gay and Jackie (staff there) are such good friends, and all of retirement age but working still (not so much for money but social reasons) that two or three times a years theyāll all go to lunch together on a Sunday when the cafe is closed. They gave him a surprise party for his last birthday - I had to drop him off - they are lovely people.
I had coffee there this morning and of course keep them updated on his progress. Well, I choked up properly for the first time. No waterworks, but I felt like puking, strangely.
I know now why they call it worried-sick.
But yes, he is in a good place mentally, thank you.
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Thanks! Oof. Almost 2 weeks and still have the back pain. Iāve still been able to work just trying to pace myself. Going back to the doctor Thursday. Fortunately because my health insurance was through the union rather than directly through my job, itās still activeā¦ for a couple more months anywayā¦
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Congestive heart failure. That took my dad too. The EMT was asking why I didnāt start CPR and I had to explain to him that you canāt do CPR on someone who still catches a breath every 30-60 seconds. Youāre likely to throw off what little heart rhythm is left. (Besides, I knew he had a DNR.)
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Thatāll be it. He blames sleep apneoa.
Hereās the fun bit - when he was 50 he had the bypass, when he was 60 he finally gave up the cigars.
At 85, he says āIām going to smoke a cigar before I go.ā
We say: āWhen are you off, then?ā
He says: āGood point, Iāll have that cigar now.ā
Coughing obvs aināt good for your chest but, fuck it, he thinks, at this point you do as you bloody please.
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The way I see it, I blinked into existence at conception and thatās where my consciousness began, and I figure itāll blink out when I die so why not enjoy myself while Iām here?
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My mom is 89 and I realized last week that one more task Iāve got to look forward to is finding mom has died in her sleep. Mind you, her health is quite good overall, but both of her sisters died near their 90th birthdays, and my brothers still kind of think Iām getting a free ride here by being her primary caregiver. Itās not that I want mom to become sick and need to be hospitalized, but having other people have to cope with that seems like it might be nice.
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Wow! That is lovely, his relationship with the local cafe people, community and social connection makes such a difference ! It makes me feel good to hear that.
Sorry to hear about his health, and I hope that things improve soon. It sounds like things are happening, but I know how hard dealing with this can be. Thinking of you and him
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A friend who was hospitalized spent a lot of time doing Pokemon.
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Since I had myā¦breakdown a few weeks ago, I have sent applications to about a dozen companies. Of those, two called me in for interviews, and both interviews went quite well. In fact, I have been called in for final interviews at both companies! One of the companies has even asked me to consent to a background check, which I did right away.
One is a major Japanese tech company, and the other is an old-school manufacturer of precision parts for the automotive industry. Both are in Tokyo, and both pay better than my current position (though the cost of living is of course higher there). But more importantly, both companies already have teams of translators/interperters in place. The job at the tech company would even put me in a leadership position within just such a team! (I was really surprised that they called me in for another interview; I have no leadership experience whatsoeverā¦owing to my current lone wolf position, and I was very straightforward about that).
I donāt want to jinx anything, but I have a good feeling that I can find something that suits me. The application process also included translation and interpreting tests, and it was good to be able to demonstrate my skills to someone who appreciates the art.
As for my current job, I have made it clear that deadlines are going to be extended. And if they donāt like it, they can ask the other in-house translatorā¦the one who doesnāt exist but probably should.
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Oh that is bullshit. Even if your mom is perfectly healthy for 89, thatās still 89. She still requires a lot of time and care! They shouldnāt devalue what that takes even if it does take less than caring for someone very ill.
Sounds pretty nice, actually. Good health until death in my sleep with someone who cares right there if anything goes wrong? Yeah, that does sound good.
I hear people talking about caring for their elderly parents and am simultaneously relieved and jealous. I had to cut out both my parents. Iām relieved I donāt have to care for them later (I wonāt be roped in either) but also jealous I donāt have a relationship with good parents.
@Jesse13927 that is great! It was hard to get going but it looks like itās paying off quickly
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That raised my eyebrows too. Worrying and tending someone healthy for 89 is still potentially a lot, if theyāre not stepping up to do it, they should be grateful.
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Big hugz to you.
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Thanks all.
Better news today - heāll be back from Oxford to Milton Keynes this evening and it looks like Iām going to be bringing him home tomorrow.
The experts reckon they can manage his condition with drugs (donāt know which ones).
Now the only thing Iām worried about is this little mutt wagging his tail so hard it flies off!
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