Ass code: chess star accused of cheating with vibrating sex toy in anus

Originally published at: Ass code: chess star accused of cheating with vibrating sex toy in anus | Boing Boing

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Chessturbate

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“I don’t have any particular strategy, I just go with my gut”!

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If those accusations were founded, I’d be tempted to cede the field to him on the basis of both audacity and anal dexterity. That’s a finely tuned hiney that can decipher vibrational codes with sufficient precision to plan chess moves!

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Let’s get ready to rumble!

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Are those a thing - asking for a friend

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It’s worth keeping in mind that this was a simple “guy who cheated in the past beat Carlsen” scandal until a random Reddit person made a jokey comment about anal beads, and that was amplified by Elon Musk. He’s not the origin of this story, but he’s responsible for amplifying some rando.

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Isn’t that Musk’s entire CV?

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People can like different hobbies at the same time, can’t they?

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spit take GIF

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Wink nudge aside, yes, there’s Bluetooth-enabled anal toys out there, with built-in patterns or the capability to sync to a music source. The excellent (NSFW) Oh Joy Sex Toy can fill* you in.

Actual beads seems unnecessarily overkill, like packing* a suitcase for an overnight trip. Battery life may be an issue, depending on how long the match goes.

Interpreting the results wouldn’t be that complicated, I suppose: just counting pulses as to which piece to move and which to take may suffice. I’d be more impressed with the level of concentration needed to keep a straight face through a whole game.

[*] hur hur hur hur

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It calls into question who the kid would be getting signals from. That is there aren’t a whole lot of humans out there who can beat Carlsen in the first place. Many, if not most, of the ones who are would be in this tournament. A computer would be a bit obvious, because they move in ways that humans do not. And, even so, the number of computers that could beat Carlsen is pretty small, and aren’t easy to come by.

Seems unlikely.

ETA to correct the claim about computers.

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The Sphincter’s Gambit

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Oh, I agree. It feels like a rumor meant to be titillating, and a one-up of the vibrating-shoe-Vegas-cheat story. Actual practicality isn’t as fun as imagining [clutches pearls] something pervy [launches self at fainting couch]

In my opinion, there are better ways to spend time with remotely-controlled sex toys than sitting through a chess match, but I’m not gonna kinkshame.

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I’m more interested in how he’s signaling from the table to whatever or whomever would be helping him cheat. Perhaps the special beads can accept input, too. I’ll leave that problem as an ::ahem:: exercise for the reader.

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Alimentary Chess for Beginners

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It’s all part of a larger ploy to make chess more appealing to the masses.

Hey, what can I say . . . sex sells.

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The real story here is that a ridiculous tale that can’t possibly be true and is based on zero evidence is being reported globally and completely credulously. Probably because a billionaire thought a Reddit incel was funny and tweeted it.

This is why we have Trump and everything else that is shit right now.

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This is why you need someone to enforce the rules in a chess tournament:

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I’m glad to see this as I was wondering how we’ve gotten so far into the comments without someone posting Murry Head! I rarely see any of the other videos, so I like this even better - thank you!

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