Judicious use of italics there. I salute you.
(with my hand, obvs)
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It’s just hanging there, so easy to bruise.
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Maybe sit down for a bit
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Is it your contention that the bruisable plum is hanging there perfectly vertically?
('Cos there’s a word for that…) 
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dog toy bathtub hack:
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Next on Inside Edition
“Salad Spinner Sex… Is It Wrong?”
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I’m not judging the wrongness but I bet you’d regret it.
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From the amazon reviews:
No power, not recommended, I can do a better job with some really good Lube and self indulging.
Where does one even buy dirty bananas?
I don’t recall them being a root vegetable.
Root fruit? (Oh, now look what you’ve made me type).
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Not all of us are perfect at handling bananas without dropping them…
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Fair enough, though to be honest, I have never in my life dropped a banana.
(I’m not sure if that’s showing off - it did sound like it, TBF).
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