Bad-ass Catholic weapons




Sounds like that armory scene from Van Helsing wasn’t too far off after all.


Not included: the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

This also brings back memories of my friends and I, high on caffeine and sleep deprivation, laughing ourselves silly over a D&D manual with various polearms such as the bec de corbin and fauchard. They were all pointy things on the ends of sticks. It was the specificity of the terminology that tickled us.


I thought their chief weapon was surprise.


Up next lets see some bad-ass Jewish, Muslim and Hindi weapons 0:


Most meta post today!


“which had in its hilt one of St Peter’s teeth, St Basil’s blood, a hair of St Denis, and a scrap of cloth that belonged to the Virgin Mary.”

Sounds, uhh, “regal”.
Is this what rat bikers did before bikes were invented? Tied random junk on their swords?


in other words, it’s got some hobo bits in it.


Just a note: this list was actually compiled by comics and history writer Benito Cerino, on his tumblr, Burgeoning Lads of Science. Benito has worked on Dr. McNinja and The Tick, and he frequently blogs about old-school Christian lore and other awesome stuff.


First thing that came to mind were how many of JK Rowling’s weapons are powered, under the hood. I’m loathe to mention this, because if someone were to implement such a weapon, the synergistic effects would result in a device of unknown power.


The hair-of-the-dog Catholic sword described does sound formidable, but what power is held in the cloven hair & gilded bedspread with which he robes himself in that picture?

I know from experience that waving about a sexy leg of silk with ribbons in a fight can give you the upper hand, but the cloven hair? I expect a crossbowman could make use of it if hidden behind the venerable gentleman, or under his voluptuous bed-capes?


And fear!


Jesuits. (Drops mic.)


So you’re saying their two chief weapons were surprise and fear?


Surprise, fear and ruthless efficiency.


But what if they were attacked by a heretic armed with a banana?


Armed with a banana? They’d be fine. They had instructors who prepared them for that sort of thing. Now, if the heretic was armed with a pointed stick, they’d need to use a sword with teeth and hair in the hilt. Works every time.




Jean-Claude Le Tueur: This sword was forged by Ikkansai Shigetsugu, master swordsmith of the Nihonto Tanren Denshunsho.
Brock: Oh, man, shut up already. Why do you sword guys always gotta talk about how cool your swords are?
-Venture Brothers


Hmmm. There’s Zulfiqar, the double-bladed sword of Mohammed’s nephew Ali. The Jewish weapons I can think of are bad-ass mainly because of the Jew wielding them, e.g. David’s sling. Jael’s tent-peg, Samson’s jawbone of an ass. I’m not familiar enough with Hindu legends to name any weapons, especially if you discount ones owned by the gods.