Buddy, you’re treading on Tex Ass style thin ice. You’re not getting any exclusives from me at this rate.
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Editor’s note: I really wish I could say that was intentional, but I just went from late-night memory and knew I probably left people out
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Given that Watney
that anti-social dweeb deserved the snub.
“Life is a game. We must keep playing the game. The more we play, the more we will understand the game of life.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita
–philosolobster
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Yo. ASK.
Microphone check
One Two
What is this?
The five foot potasassin with the potato business
I float like gravity, never had a cavity
Got more rhymes than the lzzrdz got family
No need to sweat sealionz to gain some type of fame
No shame in my game cause I'll always be the same
Styles upon styles upon styles is what I have
You wanna diss the Nanner but you still don't know the half
I sport NewSpace sneakers to avoid a narrow path
Messin round with this you catch ?the sizin of em?
I never half step cause I'm not a half stepper
Drink a lot of soda so they call me Dr. Pepper (or Mr. Pibb)
Refuse to com-pete with FAKE NEWS competition
Your name ain't Mercury wo won't you submit fo` dis` `mission
I never walk the streets, think it's all about me
Even though deep in my heart, it really could be
I just try my best to like go all out
Some might even say yo shorty black you're seal-in' out
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I want moose (I. Want. Moose)
I need moose (I. Need. Moose)
But there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna draw three
No don’t feel bad (Don’t. Feel. Bad.)
Cause 2 outta 3 ain’t bad
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Starralus sealionus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
An endothermic otariid, carnivorous by nature;
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.
I find myself intrigued by your vocal barks and squeals,
A singular development of sea lion communications
That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.
Foreflippers are quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
They effectively reduce drag underwater.
And when not being utilized to aid in swimming,
They serve to allow walking on all fours on land.
O Seelo, the complex levels of behavior you display
Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are home-schooled, Seelo, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.
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His work ethic leaves something to be desired, however. As does his business acumen.
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That’s not my Grandpa. You are a silly willy nilly, Phillosocopter… Phillosoraptor… Phillosolobster. That’s Tex. And he doesn’t murmur. I think he talks very clearly.
Do you want to hear a joke? What’s the difference between a space lizard and my Grandpa? I’ll tell you… wait, wait, wait, don’t answer! I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you. One is, um… wait… what’s the difference between a space lizard and my Grandpa? Ok, ready? No, are you ready? Ok. Um, one smells bad and swears a lot, and the other is a space lizard.
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Dottie, you might like this joke:
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Hey Dottie,
Do you know why Six was afraid of Seven?
because Seven Eight Nine!
–Philosojokester
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I thought it was because he was a Six Offender
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THERE ARE KIDS PRESENT!
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Hyuk hyuk hyuk
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Oh, I got one for you, Dottie…
Why do ethical journalists love eating at Space Lizzard restaurants?
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Trick question! There are no ethical journalists!
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Ok. I don’t know. Why does… why do ethical journalists love eating at Space Lizard restaurants?
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