Badass Space Dragon 2.0 - Round 1 - Monospace

Jacques stumbles out of the captain’s quarters and onto the bridge, flopping down down in his seat, exhausted but triumphant. That most certainly was the last he would be seeing of the Duck’s Pond soup. An espresso in a small double-layer glass cup materializes in the small machine next to the captain’s chair. It is time to get down to business. After a few sips he puts the glass in a small depression in the arm rest and then spins the chair slightly. Reaching back behind he pulls up an awkward shaped box, with “Unizone Echo” etched in small letters near the bottom. This he balances on the other armrest.

“Unizone Partner Parts…on sale!”

Jacques ponders the holographic list projected in front of him. Certainly you can never have too many shields. He updates his cart with a few swipes of his fingers.

“Unizone Partner Program MissionZone”

Fortune has not been kind to Jacques of late, he thinks, forgetting that fortune has never been kind to Jacques. It’s time to take some easy work for certain pay. Better to ease oneself into a new position: all the better to get a handle on the environment, the competition, the market. Slow and steady wins the race!

Jacques presses a button in the armrest and grabs his espresso with the same fluid motion. The Entropy’s command console swivels up from the floor to meet his other hand: the fingers dance across it entering coordinates and instructions. The Entropy’s computer processes, slowly.

[The Queen of Blasters]

Jacques eyes widen. “Unizone Partner Parts…ah…reset cart! Ah…review armaments!” The Entropy’s engines begin to hum. “Yes, yes, fine! I mean submit! Submit order!” “Confirm! Confirm dammit!” Jacques downs the rest of his coffee, leaps up from the captain’s chair and races to the elevator. Hopefully the parts will materialize in the hold before The Entropy jumps. And then, how much time will he have to install them before…well we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Purchase b20 for Unizone Blasters.
Engage Mission 3 - About Face, on credit.

“Captain” Jacques Malchance
The Entropy


Time to squeegee the crusty space bug splatter off the _Say Monkey’_s visiports and fire up her engines.

1x jar “pine fresh” carapace wax (at least I think that’s what it is… found it down the back of the parts bin while I was rummaging for a bargain.)

Mission 3. Let’s go!

> +---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
> | SLS Say Monkey           | 96/96 |  20  |  29  |  23  |  23  |  25  |    1   |
> +--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
> Hat: NONE
> StarBits: b6.9

USSS Rustbucket changes out her windshield air freshener for "fear"scent and signs on for mission 3.


I’m going to have to stealth up this ship if I’m going to avoid those pirates between here and Charybdis. Odd. This Unizone Cloaking Device looks an AWFUL lot like a can of matte black paint and a wide brush. No more wasting time in Duck’s for me; I’ve got work to do getting this ‘cloaking device’ ‘installed’. Hope she’s fully dry before I have to ship out on Mission 3. That leaves me a teeny (space)bit in the hole, but I’ll either be dead, or flush after this run.


Natasha, Captain of Audacious Blip, not know which of many stats relate to speed.

Audacious Blip declared to be a “Fast” ship. Natasha not know how to maximize benefit of being “Fast”

(( metagame: Which stat applies to speed? ))


EN for engineering, or the sounds that comes after EM for MOOSE.

Well, if you want to get fast with me, I can think of a few benefits.




easy there, it’s a bit early to go mass-extinction on us…

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Ssspeaking as a space lizard myself, it’s more than a feeling, I can tell you that.


Mamma looked at the balance sheet and sighed heavily. In the hole already and this new venture wasn’t even off the ground. At least the Dabohaze had finally been cleaned from the trip to Alces with Browf. It turns out all of the boxes he’d carefully loaded with Browf’s help were filled with toner cartridges from ancient laser printers, staggeringly useless to just about everyone and easily obtainable to those who needed them. Who printed things anymore? And on paper? Ugh. He’d left the crates outside with a narcoleptic crewmember (his sister’s kid) on the landing pad marked “arc-gold” in the hopes that someone would make off with them in the night.

He sighed again. There was no getting around it, red numbers meant trouble, and if he was going to be in trouble he wanted it to be of his own making. Or at least Beard’s.

“Fellows, get the guns sighted in and get some sleep while you can. We’re going to be knee deep in pirates before the end of this. We’ll put out the colors and hope our Union cards from last year are good enough to see us through the thick of it, but they might confuse us with someone respectable and start shooting. Let’s hope by the end of this we’re knee deep in 'bits and making the doorways taller for our hats! We’re headed out to help the Militia on Mission 3, let’s hope some stuff falls out of the boxes and behind our hidden panels. Now who’s willing to chip in for the b5 mission cost?”


Oh, it’sss much more than that…


I know that a well regulated Militia is necessary to the security of a free State.

I think we’re setting up to have a very well armed one. Let’s hope that doesn’t turn out to be a bad idea, particularly for independently-minded businessbeings.

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Finally, a mission manifest! And blasters… Why you’ve just made this simple!

[x] b5 Mission 3 - About Face
[x] b10 - Unizone Cloaking Device (+2 ST)
> Remaining StarBits: b4.4

If the Smiling Dingo can’t take on a few pirates, however would I become a hat wearing badass?


What could possibly go wrong?

I’m trying to imagine the look on the pirates’ faces when they see the armada of ramshackle rockets, floating theme bars and guitars coming their way.


I have a bad feeling about mission 3.

First, Charybids doesn’t need militia. We’ve already proven we can hold off an entire ICUP invasion fleet. So who is paying for all the blasters?

Second, I do not trust this militia’s motives. I had a brief dealing with some of them last week, and they reminded me of these guys. None of them had the right accent.

Lastly, I always worry when a large, centralized quasi-government calls competitors “Pirates”: that’s what the ICUP called us back in the day. I suspect we may have more common interest with these “pirates” than Unizone wants us to know.

Every captain should take the mission that tickles their fancy — but pay attention, make friends, and try learn more about what is really going on. I don’t trust Unizone one whit on this one.


“Each Propulsion/Utility Tentacle(hereafter referred to as ‘PUT’) is a Class 1E sentient mechanism, capable of managing its own functions with minimal pilot input when needed. It may be useful at first to think of them as your ship’s crew.”

-from Chapter One of Ninth Brain: Getting The Most Out Of Your StarMollusk

In the cockpit, Dexter placed the SQUID on his head. The ship’s consensus grid settled around his mind. “What’s the word, Sam?”

1::8 Nominal
1::3 Any luck on that cloak?
5 How about the bobble we saw?

“Sorry, it’s all a bit out of our budget at the moment. Octotechs don’t come cheap.”

7::8 That’s what you get for buying from an artisinal shipwright.
1 We should have joined up with the Moose and Beard back at Duck’s. It looks like they made out okay.
2::6 Good thing there’s work on the 'net. Pick one?

“It looks like we could pull a few milk runs without stretching our credit. There’s also that chatter about supplying the CM with blasters. What do you think?”

1::4 BUTTER.
5::8 GUNS.

“I’m with 5::8 on this one…we’re not exactly the toughest rig, though. We’ll have to use our wits.”


“Good plan. Let’s load up!”

Purchase: None.
Mission: 3 - About Face

Dexter Stochastikos, Stellar Manifold Mollusk (Mark I)


[ INT Cosmosword, Mess hall ]

Browf is sleeping on the seat of the curved booth, antlers hanging off the end.


Browf awakes, banging his head up the underside table. Now thoroughly awake, he sits up, rubbing his head with his forehoof.

“shazbot, what me drink last night… me remember … very little…”


“no. no no no. some thing best left forget”.

“hmm these shield boosters look accept, but no afford and turn profit. No store this day.”

. . .

“Browf think want honest work, no want become war profiteer. BAMBI, lock in Mission 2. me go rest antlers while mission details receive.”

“and what use moose have for hat? why so hat serious?”

Browf retreats to the captain’s quarters, closing the door behind.

No purchases
Mission 2 Accepted


Do Space moose usually where plaid with stripes? Or is Cpt Browf blazing new sartorial ground?