Badass Space Dragon 2.0 - Round 2 - Cut & Paste

I assume that this can be purchased even if one already purchased the Unizone Communications Enhancement Software Kit(+5 EN) in round 1.



“Connecting The Universe, one shipment at a time.”

Dear Valued Partner,
A Unizone customer service agent is looking into your claim, please stand by.


I just hit play on the hold music. Wonder how this will go… and where is the loop video button?

I’ll be at the iron mine, mining iron.


@jlw @newliminted

“Connecting The Universe, one shipment at a time.”

Dear Valued Partner,

Your case has been marked as resolved. If you need anything else, please feel free to contact our holodesk support team or download our free artificial assistant software.

Please remember to fill out our customer satisfaction survey, your feedback is important.


Two of these and Mission 3, cause I can! YOLO!!!


Excellent! I’d only gotten through two rounds of the amazing hold music - that was quick! But I guess bits are a specialty at Unizone!

Nothing quite like spending today to prepare for tomorrow. Now that my credit situation is all sorted out, I’m going shopping! I’ll be heading To the Front in my lucky rocket ship, so I’ll definitely need to get aggressive. Unizone Shield Boosters, Communications Enhancement Software Kit, and a set of Unizone Blasters ought to come in handy, if not today, then tomorrow. The MDDT seems to have gotten a couple of new holes, but I can really only afford to patch one. Let’s see, should I patch the big hole, or the little hole next to the main oxygen tanks? One Hull Whole Hole Filler to keep those life support systems safe please.

b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (+2 SH)
b10 - Unizone Communications Enhancement Software Kit(+6 EN)
b20 - Unizone Blasters (+4 FP)
b20 - Hull Whole Hole Filler (+10HP)
Mission Cost: b10

Total cost of b70, taken from b28.2 puts me in a sizeable pit. Plus I’ll owe an extra b10 for borrowing on the mission. I’m gonna NEED that tip! (If Unizone credit calculates me to be 51.8 in the hole then I’ll have to forego the repairs or rely on a few b credit from a generous captain - there are generous captains out there, I hope?)

“No way Unizone will let me die owing them this much…”

The Captain turns over all his purchases to his Chief Engineer.
“Pontifex! Can you get all this stuff installed before the next mission?”

The Engineer nods, arms full of gear, “The simplest way to plan ahead is merely to be ready for everything”, eh Boss?

“You betcha, pal. I’m heading back over to Duck’s to see if there’s any Tennessee Galaxy Ernie Ford on the jukebot. Don’t wait up for me.”

“I won’t have to, with all this work to do.”

“That’s my boy. I’ll bring you some dinner and help wrap things up if needed.”


I completed the survey. I hope it enables you to do your job better.


I’m not doing anyone’s dirty work, so Mission 1 is right out. Mission 2 is expensive with a crappy payout and way too much potential damage, and Mission 4’ll probably kill me, with another craptastic payout.

Sadly, my POS ship isn’t good enough for Mission 3, so into the red we go.

Starting bits : 25.2

Mission 3: (10)

Leaves 15.2

Or, as I like to consider it, 65.2

b20 - Unizone Blasters (+4 FP) x 2
b10 - Unizone Communications Enhancement Software Kit(+6 EN)

Leaves me 34.8 in the hole, and the ship’s falling apart - and was a junker to start with. Ho hum.

ETA - In for a penny, in for a pound.


b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (+2 SH)

Now 44.8 in the hole. Luckily the mission pays 45. It’s almost poetic in its not-quite symmetry. Hope there’s something free next time out and there are student mechanics who’ll work on the Moral Flexibility for free.

How much can I get at the Inflatable Pub for 0.2? @awjt


I’ll take one of these newfangled Blasters and the training holotape. If you don’t have it on holotape, I’ll have to buy the actual manual as I don’t have a holodisk player onboard. Also I need a patch for the screen door on my ship and eight cases of Velveeta Singles.

Next, I’d like to sign on for

Now I’d better get busy in the galley cooking up some toaster oven pizzas for that “high level executive”. If this ship ain’t classed up by that, I don’t know how I’m gotta get that extravagant tip.

+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| SLS Say Monkey           | 80/96   |  20  |  29  |  23  |  23  |  25  |   2    |
Hat: None
StarBits: b31.9000

The sensible option would probably be to fix the pirate-shaped holes in my hull, pick up a couple of blasters and head to the front. But I’m not baby-sitting some cashed up space exec even if if they do tip well for “extra services”.

No, it’s time to pick up some sand fish and deliver them into the unknown.

3x sand fish containers (unless I can get some more on Unizone credit, in which case… as many more as possible)

Mission 4 - To the Heart

Make sure those containers are sealed up tight - last time we ran sand fish it took months to get the smell out.




First in flight?

Q: Why Do Some Queen Bees Eat Their Worker Bee’s Eggs?
A: Because they’re d**n delicious, pal. What do you when nobody’s looking on “Take your kids to work day” ? Seriously, your co-workers, who probably hate both singing and Disney songs anyway, aren’t going to miss 3 or 7 of those tasty little grub-meals.

At any rate, we’re down for Mission 3

As much as The Worthy would like more communications enhancements, I regretfully will limit our purchases to

b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (+2 SH)
b20 - Unizone Blasters (+4 FP)

This will put me b1.3 in the hole. Anybody up for a micro-loan on terms better than Unitard’s?

Ugh, and I’ve totally forgotten about the SLUG RACES. What was I smoking? [looks at smoker] This is… what? Nicotiana? This isn’t even inhalable - it’s filled with benzene, formaldehyde, methanol, acetylene, ammonia and other crap. Gods and Goddesses of the 12 Hexes, no wonder I made such bad decisions…


Chee Lan did a wide-scan lexical analysis on the linguistic roots of the surname “Squamata” and cross-referenced it with an extensive proprietary database of hospital admissions and nursery school “time outs.”

The results gave one, very odd hit,:

That is one fine hat. Does anyone have any guesses what’s up?

– David Falkayn
Captain, Muddlin’ Through

p.s. Chee may only be 30 kilos and look like a Terran Persian Cat, but as both a Head of Protocol for the Polesotechnic League and the Chief Weapons Officer of the Muddlin’ Through you do not want to tangle with this woman. Trust me.


Oh, dear, how did this card drop into my hands? Well, don’t mind if I do Unizone. The crew is still spraying off a few stray pirate chunks from the ceiling, but we’ll have that cleaned up in a jiffy. You keep the bits flowing and the Smiling Dingo will be happy to babysit your precious little corner-cut-paper-pusher to anywhere you please.

b10 - Mission 3 – To the Front
b20 - Unizone Blasters (+4 FP)
b10 - Unizone Communications Enhancement Software Kit(+6 EN)
StarBits: -b5.6 (Charged to Unizone Card)

What rewards does this have, and where is the space lounge?

+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Cosmosword               | 77/99   |  23  |  20  |  21  |  23  |  18  |   1    |
Hat: None
StarBits: b30.0000
Additional Notes:
-b10 | Mission Fee
-6 HP | Asteroid
-6 HP | Asteroid
-5 HP | Asteroid
-5 HP | Asteroid
+b30 | Mission Success!

“Oof, we hit ALL the asteroids! 22 damage taken. What now?”


“Shazbot, that’s what I thought. Maybe, one day our slug will come in. Repair later.”

“Hmm, transporting people is much more interesting than transporting junk or fish. Seems odd that while they want firepower, the only risk is asteroids and not getting a tip. We should upgrade firepower and do that mission. Would you like more guns, BAMBI?”


“That’s what I thought. Lock in that plan, let’s do it!”

  • -b20 - Unizone Blasters (+4 FP, bringing it to 27)
  • -b10 fee on Mission 3 – To the Front


One wonders about one’s sense of self preservation… very little.



Purchase: (assuming these damn communicatiomajiggers stack additively)
b10 - Unizone Communications Enhancement Software Kit(+6 EN)

b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (+2 SH)

Mission 2 – To the Bone

b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (+2 SH)
Mission: Send me to Althorp baby! Mission 4 and its many question marks have piqued my moose curiosity

Bring the damage and were gonna run more casks than Mooseshawn Lynch bustin tackles.

hmmmmm…gonnna need to rethink that strategy of a zero mission run, thanks for the head’s up @bizmail_public

@patrace edited with strikethroughs for the GMs convenience


Shoutstream - Note 47X552 - Mandatory Subscription

Attn: All probationary creative partners
Bcc: Lieutenant-Artists

A decent day’s work. Which means [balance it and square it, kith] - a terrible day.

Wages are sin, festival-folk; remember that. Experience is the only coin you need.

Still - incurred damage is implicit experience - good on your life-ledger, if you ever want to walk away. And if you don;t you’ll wear those battlescars as battlestories.

Now there’s been some constructive feedback and incisive discourse scattering itself around the guts of this beautiful old hulk, and I’d like to address some of those important and salient observations. You’re a bright bunch, and you’ll go far.

Firstly - yes. There is a degree of… idiosyncrasy around the biology, culture, and sociological arrangements of the inhabitants of this particular sector. I would be the first to admit a… shock… at the vibrancy of the sapient Capreolinae variants. (The Nephropidae varients, I feel, are rather more familiar. For those of you late of the House, you’d recognise armatures drawn from what I assume is the Majidae diaspora…)

I would be the first to admit shock - but it would be predicated on a desire to learn - to interrogate. This citation-commentary I keep having slide down into my ‘must-reads’ is becoming tedious, children. They are not ‘stupid.’ They are not ‘implicit stereotypes.’ They are sensitive, complex signifiers for a nascent spacing race, and they deserve respect. I anticipate that a great number of artistic interpretations/cultural analysis/discourse and syllabii will … emerge from this interaction.

Secondarily - your service on the Color Bomb is about experience. I understand that some of you have suggested that any earnings are, implicitly, due and down to your labour as crewpersons and ratings. I, personally, cannot believe that you would subscribe to such an archaic construct as a wage!

The Colour Bomb has turned out some of the greatest artists, teachers, and thinkers - both within, and outside of the House proper. A century aboard opens portals, kids.

Besides, what would you spend it on. Human baselines are few and far between, here - and I’m doubtful that the… establishments here can engage with your rather… rarefied germlines.

Thirdly - yes, if you are able to prove a pressing need, and you are able to submit the required forms, and a corresponding interpretive fragment of an ergodic literature (130 TB max - 4037 Qubit threshold) then you may qualify for a closed-circuit environment and LSU combat suit/chassis Mark 2.

I have recently (as of that moment in the asteriod thicket where deck two lost partial pressure) upgraded to a Mark 7 - and any aspiring propbationary creative partner is welcome to submit a grant application for my old, careworn, and beautifully crafted Mark 2.

You partner in crime, and Art.

Representative An’netch Fiore

Shoutstream - Note 47X553 - Administration Subscription

Attn: Lieutenant Artists

Staff. Do you remember the equation? Resources = limited. We’re near broke - it pains me to go after work but we’ve not seen funding, dispensation, donations, bequeaths - anything since that House flare-up. I think the kids are getting wind of it - if they have any idea that they could desert - shift off into… well… anywhere in Charybydis - then we’re fucked.

Keep the morale high - keep them engaged. I want to have a staffers meeting next cycle, to discuss the pedagogic narrative we’re going to spin around this. I’m thinking something along the line of ‘scarcity economies - interpretive narratives - contra-indicated attitudes?’

We’ve been through tighter spots, but we’ve always been in the out-and-out. In our own turf. And sister-kin - this place is wierd…




If it is possible to do it this way:
Mission 3 - To the Front: b10 (remainder: b21.5)
2X Unizone Blasters. ( -18.5 Unizone Credit )


2X Unizone Blasters ( -8.5 Unizone Credit)
Mission 3 - To the Front, pay once we get back.

If there’s one thing that executives love is a dopamine rush.
I know how to get what they want,
this officer is in for one hell of a trip.