Badass Space Dragon 2.0 - Round 3 - Ship Local

Just to be clear: I am being charged b25.0 for Graham Clackington’s time?

Richard “Racehorse” Haynes is retained by the Polesotechnic league. For him to accept anything from Unizone, even a keychain, would be unethical. Indeed, Unizone merely suggesting Mr Haynes was offered money by Unizone would generate a tort in its own right.

From my perspective Unizone has deprived me of b55.0. I will seek other avenues of redress.

Still, this exchange has been worthwhile, as it has publicly displayed how Unizone treats its "partners."

Thank you for the key chain. I am certain Azdell will find it a useful focus for his next meditation.



Paperwork is awesome! Someone should make a game where we do paperwork! YOLO!



Coming soon to this forum:

Badass Draconic Bureaucrat


So, Cutter S. Squamata got his special package from Unizone?

A care package, we hope.

Also, whilst I wouldn’t normally quibble with the fine folks of Unizone @patrace I appear to have been charged twice for my mission fee. I didn’t pay for the mission on credit - as I made clear at the time that came from my cash funds, whereas the upgrades were on interest free credit.

This is in line with the stated order of payment as above.

  1. Mission Fee
  2. Upgrades & Repairs

I look forward to receiving a b10 credit to my account and continuing my mutually beneficial arrangement with Unizone.


Don’cha mean “insiders”, Cap’n? I hear they call 'em “insiders” round these parts.

If ya ask me (an’ ya didn’t) insiders get pretty rough treatment. I know if I’ve got any insiders, it’s ‘cause I’m busy digestin’ 'em.


Aye, when I ask’d me first wife why she’s leavin` a Gentleman likes me, she said she’d rather a’ Unizone Inside’er.


BadAss Dragons of the Cube Farm?


Round 3 - Ship Local

Re: Unizone Com Kits

Dear Unizone Partner,
We must regrettably confirm reports of a small flaw in the Unizone Communications Enhancement Software Kit. Our top engineers have been assigned to the problem and we are working to replace the faulty kits.

We deeply apologize for any inconvenience. There are no known problems with any other Unizone products at this time and we’ve increased our debt allowance to b100 for your convenience.

(100-LK)% chance of -8 EN failure per installed kit. This round only.

Unizone’s Parts for Partners Program
Buy now, pay later! Carry up to b100 in Unizone debt!

Note: You may buy any of these upgrades in multiples. HP can never exceed maxHP.

  • b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (2 SH)
  • b10 - Unizone Cloaking Device (2 ST)
  • b20 - Unizone Blasters (4 FP)
  • b20 - Unizone Lucky Dashboard Bobble (2 LK)
  • b20 - HP | Hull Whole Hole Filler (10 HP)
  • b40 - Alumaximum Dip Kit (+5 MaxHP / +10 HP)


Mission 1 - Fish On!
Ahh… the hover boardwalk on the ocean moon of Sandfish V sure is fragrant today. Feel those little squishy bits under hoof? The best. Pick up as much fish as you can carry and transport it to the data miners on the cold side of Omnomicron. The sand fish must flow.

Mission Cost: b10/container of sandfish.
*Your ship will automatically carry the maximum number of containers possible.
Restrictions: This mission is open to any ship.
Rewards if Successful: b20/container of sandfish
Risks: Meteor Shower (1-70 HP based on lowest of LK, SH or EN) & (50-LK)% chance of spoilage per container.

Mission 2 - Max HP
We need fast ships for an express mission. Deliver these hot pockets to the Unizone engineers!

Mission Cost: None
Restrictions: This mission is open to any ship.
Rewards if Successful: b50, +5 MAX HP, +5 HP
Risks: (60-LK)% chance of a speeding ticket (-b20),
(70-EN)% Engine Failure (-10 HP, Mission Fail)

Mission 3 - Lizard Tail
Unizone has reason to believe a dangerous space lizard has been hijacking shipments, your ship will be used as a decoy to draw her out.

Mission Cost: None
Restrictions: This mission is open to any ship.
Reward for Capture: (Highly Unlikely) b500, +1 HAT
Reward for Attempt to Capture: +2 GRIT, ???
Risks: Face Nilah (1-70 HP based on FP, EN & SH)

Ella’s Shipping Depot

Greetings. I am Ella. I did not fight for this independent territory of Charybdis only to see it become the fruit of a colonialist enterprise. Today I announce the launch of an alternative carrier service, locally owned and operated. Please join me in building our future rather than giving it away.

Mission 4 - Priceless Artifacts
These delicate paintings of compression artifacts date back to the early years of computing. Please transport them to Brad Nebula’s new cultural center on Sandfish VII.

Mission Cost: b50 (no credit extended nor debtors allowed)
Restrictions: This mission is open to any ship but may be in violation of your Unizone contract.
Rewards if Successful: b150
Risks: 4 x Asteroids (3-7 HP based on SH & EN)
For each Asteroid that hits, there is a 2% chance your cargo will be damaged and you will receive no reward.


Your account has been credited, Unizone is having some trouble with order of operations. Good thing there was a clarification posted today.


b50 | Mission 4: Priceless Artifacts
b10 - Unizone Shield Boosters (2 SH)



Public Notice

In the interest of shuffling some paperwork off their desks and getting back to much more interesting work, the Unizone Corporation has appointed an internal tribunal in the ongoing matter of Falkayn v. Unizone.

@daneel @funruly @penguinchris

Please review the evidence privately and select your verdict.

  • A. Falkayn has been deprived of b55
  • B. Falkayn has been deprived of b30
  • C. No Harm

Natasha see growing number of meteorite holes in hull. Audacious Blip beginning to look like child of anti-vaxxer. Natasha purchase two shield boosters.

Natasha disgusted with self after making “delivery” to “elusive client.” For salvage reputation of БПMК choose following mission.


How come ‘Priceless Artifacts’ come with a fee of b50?

Sounds like they’re very clearly priced.

Who expects couriers to buy the things they’re contracted to deliver?

How about nothing up front, but b75 on delivery?



#Hailing Next Available UniDrone to Aisle 3.

When does checkout close this cycle?


@codinghorror - Please close this thread Thursday , March 12th @ 10am AKST (11am PST). I’m not sure what happened the last couple of times but it appears to have closed around 2am PST.



###No guts no glory!!!


You’d look more like this, no?