Badass Space Dragon - Duck's Pond

'When the tides fall and the stranded choke in the sun, those beneath the waves also suffer. Do what you can. It will never be enough."
- Book of the Clutchmother (A7:G5:01)

[Lazlo slowly eases into a booth harness with a grumble. His polytonal vocalizations are as discordant as his own thoughts - although several spacers have been freed from Unizone’s webs, many more find themselves still tangled within. Resisting the urge to soapbox about the evils of taking too much on credit, he considers the political ramifications of the situation at hand with Mamma (@SteampunkBanana), Quirky (@DreamboatSkanky) and Sssir Galaxy (@Donald_Petersen).]

“Now that orders have been submitted an’ we’re all waitin’ on our respective launch windows, I gotta get a few things off my shell. So we’re shippin’ so-called ‘art’ to this so-called ‘cultural center’ on Sandfish VII. Only this time we’re workin’ with sealed crates, right? I suspect it’s not so much ‘art’ as it is ‘the state of the art’. As it were. We got some good pilots out there gatherin’ necessary intel on Mission 3. An’ we got some fine folks shippin’ hats as well. Now call it a hunch, but I reckon it’s up ta us to take up the slack and make sure Mister Nebula can take receipt of enough crates to make a difference. When it comes to weapons, it’s the use of them what counts. And art is the greatest weapon of all.”

“If ya know what I’m sayin’.”

“Now iff’n we’re lucky, the four of us will make it to Sandfish VII with cargoes intact. We’ve got reasonable odds on that. If we don’t, I’m suggestin’ that we treat this as a team operation an’ share our profits to cover any losses. I won’t say any more about the odds lest I jinx it, but I reckon we’re lookin’ a little more than okay at the moment. Quirky, I know yer gonna come up short no matter what, but we can worry about that later (…but…ahem…if ya have any more of those Mark V Personal Massage Grenades™…well…uh…I heard some good things about 'em).”

“The ol’ Didn’t See That Coming is almost a generation out of date when stacked up against modern ships and is on her last pleopods. So when we all settle up on the other side of Sandfish VII, I’ll trust yer to do the honorable thing at that time. Now I know yer all capable an’ veteran spacers. Ya have fine ships and finer crews, an’ I’m not here to call yer shots for ya. The instant may come someday when ol’ Lazlo gets atomized in a blaze of quantum retribution. If that timestamp comes, all I ask is that ya occasionally look to the Void and remember the name of Lazlo Deepwalker.”

“Until then, I want ya in formation with all of us until we ice Unizone or ya die tryin’. Tidewalker forefend.”

“In conclusion, Unizone delenda est.

[Any spacer knows the long hours of boredom before a launch window that are invariably followed by endless moments of tension. Lazlo describes the advantages of the ‘cheliped crusher’ formation in a four-ship cargo run (as holoprojected within the Strat-O-Sphere 400)]



Economically rational pilots.

Space lobsters are the best…



Are they now?

They’re the bessst at many thingsss, like ssscuttling (both varietiesss), and plotting, and fiddling (asssk that guy Crabby!); they’re unparalleled mechanicsss, handy bottle-openersss, and the finessst folk-dancersss you’ll find in both Wild Blue Yonder and Deep Blue Sssea. They have many ssstrengthsss, and I count ssseveral of them as among my mossst trusssted friendsss and alliesss.

But when you sssay “the bessst,” that adjective demandsss a noun. When it comesss to the cold calculation and occasionally brutal logic of command, when we ssspeak of the bravery of initiative and the recklessss abandon of iconoclastic maverickism, no ssspeciesss can sssurpasss the Ssspace Lizard.

I’m jussst sssayin’. We have sssubssstantial egosss to go along with our impressssive ovipositorsss.


Community Banking Summary

Natasha @davide405 is serving as treasurer for the Community Bank. Thus all deposits and disbursments for the Bank go through Natasha.

The Bank was capitalized with b95.8 by it’s four board Members, in the following amounts.

@messana Lazlo ‘Scuttle’ Deepwalker b10.0
@davide405 Natasha Fatale pledged b50.0
David Falkayn (me) b20.8
@PromptedInk Captain Sorbet Wooster b15.0

As will be clear below, Lazlo’s contribution was actually closer to b160. Lazlo is a highly-valued member of this community.

@patrace For the accounting, here are net transfers to @davide405 Natasha that set up the Bank. These were all declared previously in the public thread.
b35.8 from Falkayn to Natasha
b10 from @messana to Natasha.

Here are the disbursements. All are debited against @davide405 account.
b1.6 to @penguinchris
b8.6 to @rkt88edmo
b16.6 to @daneel
b17.0 to @inqydesu
b17.0 to @Ratel

For total disbursement of b60.8, leaving a balance of b35.0 in the Community Bank account.

HOWEVER, everyone but penguin_chris and rkt88edmo are taking an Ella mission, so the money was sent to Ella directly in [a form Unizone can’t touch.][1]

Assuming the b40 cost for Mission 3 for these captains, these captain should only have the unifinanced portion of their mission costs deducted from their accounts. That is

-b23.4 from @daneel
-b23.0 from @inqydesu
-b23.0 from @Ratel

Hope that helps.

Statement prepared on a “best efforts” basis. All corrections and additions welcome
[1]: Badass Space Dragon 2.0 - Round 4 - Cube Farm


Lazlo, my fine arthropod, I want to reasssure you on one point. In my long yearsss sssurfing the ssspacewaysss, looking for profit and finding pennilesss adventure inssstead, making friendsss and enemiesss and bumping up againssst more alien ssspeciesss than a fleet of vaccinatorsss could keep up with, I’ve been called a lot of thingsss.

Pit viper. Asp-hole. Geecko. You big, scaly outcropping of libidinous if slightly forked virility. Hissssy-fit. Dumb-o-saur. Sir Galaga (with long As). Lisp-o-Tron. Herpes-troid. Sir Fartsalot. Claude Cloaca. Stinkclaw. Bionobutt. I, uh, could keep going.

But one thing I’ve never been called is faithless. My worssst enemy will tell you that I pay my debtsss and keep my promisssesss, which is why I make ssso few of them that don’t involve cloacal regularity (you could ssset your chronograph by it).

I have your back for the duration of the mission, and the Didn’t Sssee will sssee the benefitsss of our profitable outcome before the Denture does. I guarangoddamntee it.

As long as you’ll have me, until fickle Fate flickss uss assunder, I’m your winglizard.

Put 'er there, Chitin-Tits.


While not formally financed by the Community Bank, @messana Lazlo ‘Scuttle’ Deepwalker has loaned b145.7 to other Captains so they can fly Mission 2 in the Starfox Formation.

Beard, @SteampunkBanana b45.7
Quirky, @DreamboatSkanky b50.0
Galaxy, @Donald_Petersen b50

Additionally, @davide405 Natasha Fatale made the following loan:

@gwwar b40.6

Since those loans were arranged by board members and are destined for Ella, again, the Community Bank courier service will ensure the money gets to Ella bypassing Unizone.

Lastly, @old Zaphod Tiberius Skywalker made two loans

-b5 Loan to @monkeyoh
-b45 Loan to @OtherMichael

Those were arranged privately, be we are deeply grateful. Therefore,we will also see that the money gets to Ella, and moreover, we would like to invite @old to join the community bank. @patrace

Self-interested Co-operation is the Basis of All Success


[Overcome by intense emotion, Lazlo attacks Sssir Galaxy.]

[But it soon becomes clear that a sanctioned form lizard-to-lobster limb manipulation is taking place. Traditionally, this particular pattern is used to indicate a strong formal bond between two peers. The unnerving vocalizations serve to underscore particularly intense claw flourishes.]

“~`!~. ``’~^!”

" < Spazio compagno! > "



I had a unizone inspired change of heart and am not running an ella mission, but I thank you for your support and will be sure to repay and contribute in kind.

I really did not want to spend all that time ‘entertaining’ and the resultant funny walk I would acquire post acceptance of the short term love contracts found on the docks.


Sitting in a corner, Milton “Mackey” MacMichael opens his PDA

  _______  _           
 |__   __|| |          
    | |   | |__    ___ 
    | |   | '_ \  / _ \
    | |   | | | ||  __/
    |_|   |_| |_| \___|
  _             _           _               _    _  _  _               _     
 | |           | |         | |             | |  | |(_)| |             ( )    
 | |      ___  | |__   ___ | |_  ___  _ __ | |__| | _ | | __ ___  _ __|/ ___ 
 | |     / _ \ | '_ \ / __|| __|/ _ \| '__||  __  || || |/ // _ \| '__| / __|
 | |____| (_) || |_) |\__ \| |_|  __/| |   | |  | || ||   <|  __/| |    \__ \
 |______|\___/ |_.__/ |___/ \__|\___||_|   |_|  |_||_||_|\_\\___||_|    |___/
   _____       _     _       
  / ____|     (_)   | |      
 | |  __ _   _ _  __| | ___  
 | | |_ | | | | |/ _` |/ _ \ 
 | |__| | |_| | | (_| |  __/ 
    _______      _______ _             _____       _                  
   |__   __|    |__   __| |           / ____|     | |                 
      | | ___      | |  | |__   ___  | |  __  __ _| | __ ___  ___   _ 
      | |/ _ \     | |  | '_ \ / _ \ | | |_ |/ _` | |/ _` \ \/ / | | |
      | | (_) |    | |  | | | |  __/ | |__| | (_| | | (_| |>  <| |_| |
      |_|\___/     |_|  |_| |_|\___|  \_____|\__,_|_|\__,_/_/\_\\__, |
                                                                 __/ |

      ____   __   __ _  _ ____    ____   __  __  __   
     (    \ /  \ (  ( \(/(_  _)  (  _ \ /  \(  )(  )  
      ) D ((  O )/    /    )(     ) _ ((  O ))( / (_/\
     (____/ \__/ \_)__)   (__)   (____/ \__/(__)\____/

Supplemental Downloadable Content  #thx.1138: 

                               ~Rule 34 Bucket List~
                                                                        page 137/606

[ x ] Human and Asari
[   ] Lobster and Space Lizard
[ x ] Wookie and Ewok
[ x ] Wookie and Ewok and Ewok
[ x ] Mawg and Android
[ x ] Kirk and Spock
[ x ] Meese Orgy
[ x ] ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Ahoy! Another page completed!!

Another round, Duck.


Well, whatever happens, I’ve burnt my bridges with Unizone. Done with that. I’m not a model employee at the best of times, and Unizone aren’t making any best employer lists. I’m not one to let my sense of morals prevent me from doing what is right - but if they aren’t paying, I ain’t working. Better to be an independent contractor, even if the retirement benefits suck.

Looks like our next time out may be a little sticky. The Moral Flexibility isn’t in the greatest of shape and a little down on firepower (and shields, and engineering…), but we might be okay. That said - I suspect we won’t all be back here tomorrow. C’est la vie. If I don’t see you in this world again, I’ll catch you in the next.

*finishes drink*

Time to be off. What were those directions Ella gave me?

Ah yes, second star to the right, and straight on till morning.


Quirky nods, soaking in the Strat-o-Sphere 400.

Scutes of the Clutch-Mother! he thinks. But don’t that beat laying out a flight plan with bottle caps and salt–and-pepper shakers on a sticky countertop. You’re flying in a new league, now, Quirky, my man.

Quirky looks squarely at Laszlo (@messana). “You got nothing to worry about from The Somewhat, Commodore. We got your sssix.”

Quirky hisses to his fellow space lizard, Ssssir Galaxy (@Donald_Petersen), “Psst! Do space lobsters reference a twelve hour analog clock? Or did I just tell Laszlo roughly, ‘My brother is a sock’? 'Cuz I’ve done that before.”

“And as a token of appreciation, drop this little number into your flight bag (as you say, ‘If you know what I’m sayin’…)”

Quirky rolls a Mark V Personal Massage Grenade™ across the booth to Commodore Laszlo. “They can’t say it because of the Office of Medicine and Fishing regs, but yeah, these are good to a depth of 70 feet. Cheers.”

A quick look about to see that everybody’s drinking who should be.

“Ssssss! Thhhh!”


Lazlo, er, am I talking to your face? Lobsters get confusing. Anyway, don’t you worry about anything, this is going to be a few asteroids here and there and we’ll be just fine. As long as we’re actually just delivering what we’ve been told in these boxes and not, say, detonators packed by Unizone in a fine attempt to destroy anyone trying to get out of the system.

Not that they would think of that.

At any rate, there’s plenty of honor among these thieves, don’t you worry about that.


…wonders to self how many drinks it takes for Captain to not tell which moose end is face…


Meeses have antlers to help me figure it out. Lobsters get… pointy pretty much everywhere.


And beards are likewise bearded at one end.


I have no desire to confirm that.

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Dear Madame Bank Manager Natasha @davide405,


Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. I got your contact from the Charybdian web site directory. I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to it’s esteeming nature and the recommendations given to me as a reputable and trust worthy person I can do business with and by the recommendations I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business.

I am Flapjack Kate; the only Daughter of late Mr Flapjack Bill. My father was a very wealthy malted goods merchant in Messina, the economic capital of Charybdis before he was murdered to death by his business associates on one of their outing to discus on a business deal. When my mother died, my father took me and my younger brother TARQUIN special because we are motherless. Before the death of my father on a private asteroid orbiting Messina. He secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has a sum of b12500000 (Twelve Million, five hundred thousand StarBits) left in a suspense account in a local Bank here in Messina, that he used my name as his first Daughter for the next of kin in deposit of the fund.

He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth and some huge amount of money his business associates supposed to balance his from the deal they had that he was poisoned by his business associates, that I should seek for a Lobster fearing foreign partner on a planet of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose, (such as real estate management). Madame Bank Manager Natasha, we are honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways.

  1. To provide a Bank account where this money would be transferred to.

  2. To serve as the guardian of this since I am a girl of 26 years.

Moreover Madame, we are willing to offer you 15% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your designate account overseas. please feel free to contact ,me via this address

Anticipating to hear from you soon.

Best regards.
Flapjack Kate (Miss)



Hey Duck,

Let me know when that robot guitarist comes around again. I’ve got some questions for him about resonances, and cybernetics, and both.

1 Like

Legit. I made a bunchload of starbits in a similar transaction myself. Messina is a hotbed of wealthy dead people whose heirs need assistance in wealth transfer. Go for it!

(@daneel yeah, yeah? just a couple of starbits for my trouble?)