Behold the most excellent first official White House portrait of Melania Trump


Originally published at:


No 'shoop?

For shame.


Where is the portrait?

How can a kind of music be “over”?



<seriously, no>


“No right no wrong you’re selling a song,…”



too soon…



Interesting. If you track her eyes, they are slighty off-center, behind the camera. Someone is there, a shadowy, menacing figure, watching her in silent assault. She can’t focus on anything but this spectre, this force of aggression, not even for the millisecond it would take to look into the lens. Whatever this minatory force is, it’s enough to command the scene, unseen.


Not soon enough.

I was in line at the store this weekend and a couple of mid-50’s women were behind me actually “ooohing” at the picture of Melania on some magazine calling her “Their Princess” then they started talking about how Barack’s brother had personally given Donald “Obummer’s” real birth certificate. I’m not even replacing words here. This was actually conversation had by two women. In Public.


She always looks like she’s trying to figure out what you’re saying.


Doesn’t she speak five languages? Maybe she’s just trying to figure out which one?


Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to Exhibit One in the Hall of the Uncanny Valley.

The fixer certainly got their money’s worth out of that Photoshop licence.


I know it’s a bit of a stretch but it reminds my of Astro Ivorys Psychic Circle from the Egyptian Lovers box set commercial.


Jeebers! Will ya look at the size of that rock on her finger?

oh… I think that’s the point of this pose…



Not Mallwave. I think it’s a subgenre of House.

White House.


I didn’t realize MAGA involved bringing back Glamour Shots. Though, it does make sense, the 80’s were the last hurrah of the rust-belt.

Also, for scientific purposes only:


Like this?


The most shocking thing about this portrait is that Melania Trump was actually at the White House long enough for a picture to be taken.


This look like it belongs in one of those decades-old books of example hairstyles laying around at my local Cost Cutters.