The colon seems like one of those things god kind of designed wrong.
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Ladies and gentlemen, most people record songs about love, heartbreak, loneliness, being broke. Nobody’s actually went out and recorded a song about real pain. The band and I have just returned from the general hospital where we caught a man in the right position. We named this song:
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I imagine that some people would use this as an example of the dangers of socialized medicine, however I’m pretty sure that if I had gone to the hospital with this problem, in addition to sending me home with the same advice I would have had to pay my $500 co-pay for emergency room visits, plus I would have gotten a later bill for the advice.
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Talk about ‘tough shit.’
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Aw man, do we have a “groan” badge? “Punicide” badge? 
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Okay that wins the thread.
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“Megarectum” could be a unit to rate political leaders and heads of state.
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What does the “J” in “BMJ” stand for?
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in my sweetest dreams . . .
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British Medical Journal? Though really the idea of a Bowel Movements Journal does amuse me.
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This is the real reason to stay away from opioids.
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Nah, you just gotta balance your system to counter act the constipation effect with something like Miralax.
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“His passing…”
I can’t be the only one laughing at that, right?
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Well having had bowel obstructions as a result of a long-standing medical condition, I can tell you that they were possibly the most painful thing I ever experienced (kidney stones a close second). So my sympathy for this poor guy is high, even though his condition is different.
Periods of calm interspersed with groaning and howling like a banshee every time the peristalsis started up again. And that medical condition’s status is better understood and managed by keeping track of the state of bowel movement outcomes and changes therein. I’ve never kept a journal but I am currently participating in a wide-area (European) study that among other things asks about yesterday’s stools, once a month. And then there’s this (not that I’ve ever used it):
But yeah, it can be amusing too. 
(And, yeah, I know you were using ‘journal’ in that other sense. I’d probably seriously read something like that if it existed.)
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i had a friend who felt my metabolism was set too fast because of my regularity. the overall effect of taking opioids regularly for sciatica and taking a daily iron supplement for borderline anemia has been to go from two bowel movements a day to one a day. the only time i’ve ever known constipation was after five days on dilaudid after my total knee replacement.
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