she claims Jesus appeared in her closet
A normal reaction would be to get a restraining order against the guy, but hey, we all make our own choices.
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First off, I think this woman needs help.
Second, it’s funny how people like this never, ever consider that if their opponents win the election, maybe that’s a sign that God favors them?
Remember Oliver Cromwell’s famous warning: “I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible that you may be mistaken.”
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They can do jobs, so I think we should give them a job with the election.
Sorry, Angels expect a living wage.
her young son saw Jesus in her bedroom closet
Come out of the closet, Jesus! We accept you for who you are, just as you accept us for who we are!
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Only Unitarian Jesus can use an iPad. Elsewhere, the question of whether he uses a ‘wePad’ or a ‘threePad’ has been a matter of much brutal sectarian bloodletting.
Also, the holy spirit can only interact with virgin materials; so Apple’s corporate social responsibility/recycling stuff makes using their products more difficult.
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CHURCH <<< ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->>> STATE
Please, California, vote to make sure this level of idiocy does not acquire any power.
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When she loses she has to accept the punishment called for for false profits.
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I guess it’s true, no one wants to work any more.
Oh, YOU give out the the angel assignments, do you?
I’m paraphrasing, but Hamm (in the other clip) says, “Our son Ezekiel is a seer.”
FFS, that there is some abusive horse-shit.
Argh. Did I say “Argh”? Because, ARGH.
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Embezzlement?
[ETA: or cooking the books I guess.]
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Jerry Landers: You don’t control our lives?
God: I gave you a world and everything in it. Its all up to you.
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So I’m not asking for cheating. I’m not asking the angels to cheat. I’m asking the angels to prevent cheating, to make it honest. So I’m asking God, ‘would you send the angels to do that?’"
Maybe that’s already happened, and the results of the last election are what God intended.
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Yeah - after all, scrolling is so easy on an iPad. 
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“Angels can do things. They can do jobs, so I think we should give them a job with the election.”
I’m no theologian, but I’m pretty sure angels are the servants of God, not your personal house elves dear.
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Would Republican Jesus remain in the closet?
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Movie pitch: An Ocean’s Eleven-style heist movie starring a crack team of the best second-story men the heavenly host can muster, brought back together for one last score.
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C’mon now, you can’t get a restraining order against White Jesus, only against the brown Jewish one!
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Turns out she called the wrong Angels.
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Would these be illegal angels out of Africa?
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As far as god sorting it out:
Is this the god who killed all of humanity (save for one family who then repopulated the whole world (ewwww)) because he wasnt getting his dues? Or is the god who sent his one son to redeem the world - the very same son who told us to love our neighbors and who surrounded himself with the outcasts of society?
Pretty sure christians are supposed to follow the teachings of that christ guy not just smite-happy daddy.
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Obligatory:
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Maybe it was that Angel Moroni again; running off with the evidence.
@generic_name Angel Meat? My brain went the same way yours did, “Do you want a wing, a leg, or a buttock?”
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