Something that really leaps out at the end of the letter is that the dad clearly blames the alcohol. Strikes me as desperation for something to latch on to other than “turns out someone we love and thought was a good person is a rapist”.
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You aren’t alone. Mine was a middle school teacher. For men, sexual assault trauma injures 1 in 6, in the U.S., usually as boys and usually not reported. Boys and men are culturally normed for toleration of violence and coercion differently so those who do disclose tend to so 10ish or more years later than other survivors. So they suffer from symptoms longer.
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Also, parents and guardians are socialized to watch out for predators of girls, whereas they often let their guard down when it comes to boys spending time with the scout leader, coach, or religious leader.
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Okay. Might not be how it was received, but that ain’t up to me.
I actually took that as a tongue in cheek comment, with the emoji @jyoti used. Small snips of text are a hard medium to communicate nuance in, but I’m pretty sure I’ve been consistent enough in my views around here that having the “dude-bro” label attached to me is unlikely.
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To this day my mother won’t talk about it without getting detached and making comments like “Oh, so that’s why you…” (Fill in the blank.) Or getting defensive about how she’s a “good mother.”
ETA: Don’t want to make this “all about me” though, so I’m going to go find some fun topics to comment on. 
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Normally I wouldn’t have spoken up, but I thought it important that your initial point not be lost or dismissed as being “male-apologist” or whatever.
When I read this:
I immediately got the impression that @jyoti bears a… shall we say incomplete understanding of male psychology, and their reaction to your point seemed to imply a disbelief that sexual abuse sans penetration might be as bad as that with penetration.
Edit: sorry, this response was obviously to @tropo. The mobile commenting/quotation system ain’t perfect.
“The Devil made me do it” is alive and well.
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The victim’s full statement on this is so freakin’ great, it is a masterpiece. I read every word and it is so good. So good.
READ IT NOW! She nailed his ass to the wall and rebutted every crap argument in the trial with grace.
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I can’t even think the words “Chicago sunroof” without getting a big stupid grin on my face. It’s just so over the top ridiculous that it fits perfectly in line with my sense of humor.
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I had never even heard that phrase before, until that episode.
Oh, Jimmy M, what a character…
*lolz
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What a classy response. It really adds some much needed perspective here and just makes me all the more outraged at the kid gloves sentencing.
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I get your point, but there are exceptions. Colonoscopies were done using metal tubes without anesthesia in the 1960’s. To children with colitis, males included.
Rare, I suppose. But many medical procedures are invasive, and to a kid, very scary.
It was beyond classy. She was eloquent, articulately reasoned, and inspirational. She is my new hero.
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To quote the victim:
As this is a first offence I can see where leniency would beckon. On the other hand, as a society, we cannot forgive everyone’s first sexual assault or digital rape. It doesn’t make sense. The seriousness of rape has to be communicated clearly, we should not create a culture that suggests we learn that rape is wrong through trial and error. The consequences of sexual assault needs to be severe enough that people feel enough fear to exercise good judgment even if they are drunk, severe enough to be preventative.
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That made me cry. Fucking hell. It was already evident, but that really puts it into perspective what a shitty judgment this was. So many people I know and love have gone through this as well. My own daughter nearly, but she punched the bastard in the face and got away. Fuck, I hate the world.
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Why not a death sentence, then? Is that sufficiently preventative? The range was nothing to 6 years. We could quibble over an extra year or two, but does that materially change the outcome? How about the three strikes drug program? Increasing punishment, the data shows time and time again, does absolutely nothing to reduce the incidence of crime.
I feel like the root problem here is the way the judge communicated the sentence rather than the actual sentence itself – “we gotta have sympathy for the attacker, so…” is extremely ill advised.
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He was found guilty. It is appropriate to sentence him to some real time - up to six years, which is what the law says is appropriate.
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While I see that you commenting on the consequences as given by the justice system, I would also like to think that the consequences extend to how perpetrators are perceived in society, and for example how the judge communicates the sentence. Strong messages that call out people for minimisation and that expect real remorse and punish those who do not exhibit appropriate understanding and contrition could be part of the equation.
I would like to think that if society starts to expect these things and the “boys will be boys” approach diminishes then the consequences wrought by one’s peers would have more an effect on people’s prospective choices. I think of how drink driving and smoking is treated nowadays (at least here in NZ). The idea that these behaviours are for losers has grown and acts to put social pressure on those who partake.
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This is the “cut the baby in half so both parents get equal time” argument.
Yes, there is outrage about the tone of the sentencing. But a woman was raped. And in the context of sentencing in US courts, regardless of tone, this seems insane.
My father served two years for something Waaaay more trivial and nonviolent.
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