Catholics have more fun: baptism by squirt gun

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Wait until you see what the new Communion ceremony looks like.


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Are we sure that’s not a pic from a church of the subgenius event circa 1994? Good Bob this timeline is strange.


I guess it beats baptism by gleeking.


Gag photos aside, Catholic priests do have a way of applying holy water from a distance. It involves an implement called an “aspergillum”, which is a little reservoir on a stick that the priest shakes at the congregants. It’s the namesake of the fungal genus Aspergillus, whose discoverer, the Italian priest and biologist Pier Antonio Micheli, thought resembled an aspergillum when viewed through a microscope.

Edit: here’s a 2015 video of Pope Benedict on a visit to Ground Zero in lower Manhattan, using an aspergillum, rather than a water pistol, because the use of the latter would be fucked up.


For maximum effectiveness I think they should get an old Super Soaker from Ebay…
Given this timeline you might need more than a little spritz.



I didn’t know the name of it, but that’s what I keep thinking every time I see one of these pictures of priests using a toy weapon to deliver baptismal water. “Don’t they already have a tool for this that’s much less problematic?”


I thought you only used holy water in squirt guns for excorsism. Wonderful weapon for fighting vampires and similar creatures. Add some iron filings to the water if you are dealing with fairy creatures as well,


Guru Maharaj Ji set the bar for this sort of thing…

I want to see them use the Holy Water Balloon of Antioch.




Where’s the baby’s gun?

The only way to stop a bad priest with a gun is with a good baby with a gun.

My kiddos have been playing in the backyard much more often than usual (obviously). My new home office is in my bedroom on the second floor. Any time I saw them outside, I have a water pistol which I surreptitiously use to spray them when they weren’t looking. Then when they’re looking around for the culprit, I open the window all the way and yell “HEY! Who just sprayed me???”. They looked up and wondered…did HE do it, or is he a victim of the water fairy, too?

They figured it out. Now I get soaked if I even step outside.


Thanks for that. Social distancing is great. I’m pretty neutral about baptism, but the pistol symbology is just fucked up. I wish they would just go ahead and use the black mold dispensers already!


I’m in for everything that involves priests not touching babies or kids.

That was one of the weapons used To deliver holy water in that “Dusk till Dawn” movie.

(I was never clear on why the protagonists didn’t also wrap themselves up in holy-water drenched garments but there were so many other things wrong with that movie that I know I should just let it go.)


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Baptism is technically a rite of minor exorcism.

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Even if the church didn’t have an aspergillum, there are more dignified ways to splash a little water on the baby. Fill the cup of a long-handled candle snuffer (that’s been well cleaned) and use that to pour the water on the baby’s forehead.

The handles may not be the full five feet long that social distancing would recommend, but if the priest holds his arm at full extension and the woman holds the baby out for a few seconds they can probably get close to that separation.