‘Cause nothin’ says “Good Presidential Candidate” like a demonstrated inability to control one’s physical appetites!
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Eh. I wouldn’t correlate body weight with presidential competence. Besides, it’s unnecessary when there are so very very many other indicators that Christie would be a terrible president.
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Taft’s generally considered a mediocre President, no?
http://www.presidenstory.com/stat_tal.php
Andrew Jackson was quite slim.
(James Madison was 5’4" and 122 lbs?)
What’s this? Packages unable to wiggle around wheresoever they wish between scannings? Packages smart enough to extract themselves from the fascist yoke of encourierment, yet somehow unable to wipe all traces of their passage from the system they’ve just escaped? Poppycock, sir! You forget that the only packages we see are those who fail to elude their captors.
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Seems to work for my shipments. Occasionally some manage to escape in transit and vanish from the system.
There must be whole villages of such escaped packages, living off the grid, under the radars…
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There’s also some evidence for an ‘underground railway’ with human collaborators. But I find it hard to believe.
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I’d guess it’s a cover story for a trade with kidnapped packages.
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Well, Taft’s in the Racing Presidents now, and he lost 80 pounds without any stomach stapling after he left the presidency.
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Welp, when it comes to immigrants… especially those illegal kind… it might be ISIS trying to Fed-Ex themselves around, and then, where would we be.
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Well Scott Walker apparently considers a wall with Canada worth considering.
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To keep us from escaping?
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Immigrations already has far more data and info on me than Fed-Ex has on any of it’s packages.
I could make a timelapse video of myself by assembling all the facial-recognition photos that US immigrations constantly required. Not even joking.
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If anything, you’d think the right wing crowd would be filled with conspiracy inspired terror at the thought of the government perfecting a way to track people since it would thereafter (in their minds) certainly be applied to the real 'muricans.
Maybe they know your secret identity?
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Nah, its not like you’d be tracking real people!
Just because you can track a package (potential drug mule) doesn’t mean you can track a person the same way.
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Well, I do believe the bullet-riddled bodies draped over the wall will be facing Canada. The reminder of Berlin in the 1960s is hard to avoid. 
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Use RFID, and get the Born Again Conspiracy Theorists confused about whether to support this, or see it as a sign of the coming Apocalypse.
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Christie is almost certainly a reptilian. He’s clearly eaten at least four or five lesser snakes.
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The looming presence of snow mexico is a pretty serious matter.
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Track immigrants like FedEx?
“Pfc Alexander! Explain why the immigrant you are tracking has been on that truck for 3 & 1/2 days? It usually gets here by noon!”
Track immigrants like UPS?
“Pfc Alexander! Explain why the immigrant you are tracking had to return to St. Louis THREE TIMES -after- arriving in the NY detention camp!!”
Track immigrants like USPS?
“Pfc Alexander! … Where the fuck is Pfc Alexander?! Anybody!? Hello!?”
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