Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2024/02/05/colombia-has-a-cocaine-hippo-problem.html
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More like a Cocaine Hippotunity.
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I was expecting this to be Hippos On Cocaine, but this story could actually be worse.
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I’ve been reading about these hippos and government efforts to control their population for a long time now. The story has certainly taken some unexpected turns:
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Oct 25, 2022
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That was my first thought, too, and frankly that’s terrifying, hippos can be super aggressive without chemical assistance.
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Honestly, Mom, I was just drinking milk.
But, yeah, could be a lot worse.
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The hippos may prefer Cocaine Hipporgy.
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That’s gotta be quite quite the founder effect.
Not just cocaine hippos, but inbred cocaine hippos.
At least West Virginia isn’t involved.
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I hereby authorize the culling/hunting, it is sad, but it is a dangerous species to both humans and the local ecosystems. If they can make burgers out of it, even better… Hmm… checking… oh!
What Does Hippopotamus Taste Like?
Does Hippo Meat Taste Good?
People have been eating hippo meat for centuries. Most people that try this meat claim that it is similar to beef, but it has a mildly sweet flavor.
The texture on the other hand is a little tough. As such, you might need to marinate your hippo meat before you cook or smoke it.
But, what makes hippo meat truly unique when you compare it to other meat is the high-fat content and marbling.
Hippo meat easily has three times more unsaturated fat than beef. This adds a delightful oiliness or butteriness to your overall meat flavor.
I now really want to travel to Colombia.
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Teddy Roosevelt had a plan once to import hippos to the Louisiana delta as a meat animal. It never happened, but Sarah Gailey has a couple of alt-history books about what could have happened. The first one is River of Teeth
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I propose shipping the Florida lawmaker who wants to kill cocaine bears to Colombia, but requiring him to kill the hippos in hand to hand combat, since some judge decided the hippos are people. One of these two problems will then hopefully be solved. /s
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We had a local exotic meats store that got in trouble for selling tiger meat. They’re shuttered now.
The story is actually pretty sad.
ah. now it all makes sense. was escobar known for -ahem- bestiality orgies while on coke?
(sorry.)
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Reminds me of a panel from a Barry Ween comic: “Stop humping you fat fucks”. http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/211/475/1600/More_Barry_Ween.jpg.jpg
Happy Hippo Hunting! 
(What?)
Try thousands of years. Ancient Egyptians ate them and crocodiles. Apart from the other ancient Egyptians who worshipped the one they didn’t eat (okay, they probably ate them too, just not the special ones. Damn shamans. Always turning animals into collaborators).
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