Originally published at: Are Pablo Escobar's horny cocaine hippos legally people? | Boing Boing
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If horny cocaine hippos aren’t people, is it even America?
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A+++ article, would read again.
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I wonder if hippos taste good. I think they basically eat many grass. So maybe like a big dangerous cow?
Hippos are extremely dangerous, I wouldn’t want to have feral invasive hippos in my country. Sucks for the hippos, but shooting 35 (or 350, for that matter) hippos who had a good outside life beats slaughtering all those industrially farmed cows. I’d say eat them and save ~2 cows/hippo.
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Horny cocaine hippos are people, my friend
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The ALDF could have cut through a lot of the drama by declaring each cocaine hippo a corporation. The GOP alone would have then rushed to throw millions of dollars toward the cause.
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if Pablo Escobar goes down in history as a leader in animal rights I will laugh through the heat death of existence.
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This is why Marvel Comics “Hippoman” series never took off, an interesting super power, but not very useful in fighting crime.
“Hippoman is coming towards us! Quick Joey, kick him in the balls!”
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I got interrupted here at work at least twice while I was reading the article, but am I missing why having Peter Potamus and his friends declared legally people in the United States (or at least Southern Ohio?) would have any relevance for their status in Colombia? Are we now granting political asylum to hippos while denying it en masse to actual human refugees? If said refugees get themselves declared hippos before trying to enter the US would that help?
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No one?
Horny, Horny, Hippos!
Just need to turn these ones in the game around.
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The Colombian hippo-defenders want to depose Ohio-based, wildlife castration experts. To depose them in the US for a Colombian suit, a US judge has to acknowledge that the foreign suit was brought by a person of legal standing. The Colombian suit’s plaintiffs are hippos, so Ohio judge had to rule wether the hippos counted as persons for the sake of the depositions. Judge ruled yes the horny, Colombian, cocaine hippos do legally count as persons in this case
hey, a hippo is more of a person than a corporation is and their legal personhood grants even more rights than human personhood
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But Berry said that killing the animals isn’t the just way to remedy the situation. “From the animals’ perspective, I think it’s clear that they would prefer to be sterilized rather than rather than euthanized,” he said.
I see. Is that based on a rigorous assessment of Hippopotamus reproductive behavior? And what of the Manatee? Do you have a opinion on whether the Manatee would prefer to be eaten by sterile hippos, or not eaten at all?
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All we’ve got to do is report that the hippos are unionising. The CIA and its local clients will take care of the situation from there.
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I watched a doc. on some animal professionals who were trying to castrate some of these hippos. Hippos were really hard to knock out. It was also really hot and muggy, these poor people were trying to move around these enormous, unconscious, beasts sweating and getting weak and dizzy. Lastly, their testicles are not only recessed back in their bodies, they are HUGE! Think of a small toddler. In the time they had, most of the day, they got 3 done.
Hippos are not a native species, why they’re allowed to be there, I don’t get. It’s like those pythons (the snakes) roaming free in Florida, killing and wiping out THEIR native species.
This lawyer is too lazy to chase ambulances. I guess he hasn’t figured out how truly dangerous these animals are.
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Horny Cocaine Hippos is my new band name.
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If corporations are people, then these hippos are definitely people.
Both are things that may have been good once, in their appropriate place, but now drug-addled powerful men have allowed them to get out of hand and become a danger to the locals and the environment.
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Hippo is of course short for Hippopotamus. So to use the correct plural we must use Hippopotamusopodes.
Fun facts: hippopotamus means “river horse” and used to be considered a type of pig, but they’re in the same family as deer and giraffes and more closely related to whales than pigs
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Octopus:Octopodes ⇒ Hippopotamus:Hippopotamodes, surely?
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More accurate, but not as funny 
But it is a good point, well worth belaboring
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