Another item for my list: I wish i could play an instrument.
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That would probably work quite well. In the sense that it will make people keep their distance, but results are results.
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"I played tic tac toe with my fish. He won.”
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Agreed, but I’d hate to have to clean that thing.
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That’s gotta hurt, seeing as you’ll remember and he won’t…
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FOIA some shit:
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Went for a stroll by the river today:
Last night, I was disturbed by someone tapping on my back window. It turned out to be an old man and his dog, neither of whom were able to give a coherent explanation of who they were, where they came from or why they were in my yard.
Thankfully, one of my neighbours recognised him, and was able to ferry him home to his concerned wife. It’s cold down here; not a good time for an old dude with dementia to be wandering around at night.
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These stories seem to put this situation into a much larger context-
I’m totally binge listening to “The fall of civilizations podcast.”
I’m no history buff, but I love the stories we tell from the limited physical evidence.
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I couldn’t even do one of those. 
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He totally failed to miss the ground.
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Start small…
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chuckle-worthy
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