Came for the Wittgenstein, am not leaving disappointed.
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anybody out there ever read basic instructions? the first two panels seem on point–http://www.basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2017/5/2/how-to-enjoy-collecting-things
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Yep. Have the appropriate training to use it too. I do not seriously expect to ever use it, but where else is one supposed to keep their sword?
Our large mutt takes his guard duties a bit too seriously at times. In the unlikely event that an intruder gets past him, my wife or I would have plenty of time to grab the tanto off the wall or one of the bowie knives or daggers unseen in the chest at the foot of the bed, or any of our several camping or “tactical” pocket knives, or the kitchen knives, or the swords in the closet, all kept sharp, or there’s a number blunt objects including a composite boken, a wood boken, my blackjack, my wife’s sap cap, and if all else is out of reach, there’s a variety of heavy blunt sculptures and lamps sitting around, including one made from a bunch of up-cycled iron pipe fittings.
The likelihood of ever needing to use these in home self-defense is happily remote.
ETA: We’re not survivalists. We just camp and make a lot of stuff, and I have a modest blade collection because they’re elegant and functional.
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Exactly why I have a “club” consisting of a 2-ish foot long chunk of 2-inch diameter white oak sapling that was deformed (3-4 inches in this area) by kudzu next to my bed. Small enough to tuck against the nightstand and not stub my toes on, but heavy enough to make a reasonable melee weapon in a space that I know infinitely better in the dark than some rando. That and a very stiff hockey stick tucked behind the bedroom door as a backup. I know all too well how to use that “incorrectly”. 
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Hockey, that’s the game with all the fights on ice occasionally interrupted by passing a puck around, right?
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I’m thinking about upgrading to a small tactical nuclear weapon. MAD seems like the only sensible policy for homeland defence.
Edit: I’m also looking at obtaining a kinetic orbital strike capability for intrusions which don’t meet the nuclear threshold. I understand LMGI have a really nice model in upcycled tungsten, tricked out with Kalahari tribal runes, that look very nice as ornaments.
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Ohhhhh, yeahhhhhh.
Old joke: “I went to a boxing match, and a hockey game broke out.”
::badumtish::
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Closest to the bed would be these:
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I dunno, maybe if someone breaks into my house, “whacking them off from a distance” may avoid the need for violent confrontation…
Not quite sure how one does that, but it’d be a great skill to have.
Just think of all the fun one could have at political rallies and protests…
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It would be difficult to form a reply that would clearly up the danger-ante. But I’ll try:
Beside our bed we have a cardboard cutout of Trump that reads “WE LOVE TRUMP AND WE DARE YOU TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT”.
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They could also be used as sex toys, you know.
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If an intruder breaks in, I’m not going to shout “Hang on while I get the lube!”
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Ah! the humble beginnings of the knifeketeer.
(As confirmed by the commentary below.)
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That might actually scare off some intruders.
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I have been told that you should always keep in mind how your stabby thing would look in court.
If you stab someone, then you want to do it with something tasteful and respectable that gets the message across that you were a desperate harmless person and not someone looking for a fight.
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I don’t keep any weapons next to the bed.
Yes, I know, you’re all somewhat astounded.
Honestly if I’m too asleep to get up and arm myself, I’m too asleep to be handling a weapon, I’ll just drop it on my bare foot or something.
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I was going to mention my trench shotgun. I am always amazed that they never show up in zombie films. They are the perfect zombie weapon
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Is that the “Her” model?
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It would be ideal to have a sword room.
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