Explain It Like We're Vanilla

Wow, that’s a real throwback. Just about every BBS back in the had a version of this for download.

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Oh god. I wish I knew what my previous test scores were so I could compare. 71.6%

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you’re more or less describing the Bonobo model

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For some reason I’m still stuck on the article that spawned this discussion, which is just as well, because I think it presents something I’ve always thought about the concept of “empowerment”. I do find that a society’s non-toleration of kink tracks closely with sex negative attitudes that are culturally pervasive. This is independent of religious sentiment, even if the legacy of religious attitudes towards sex provide the sub-stratum influence behind sex negativity. One sort of 101 question that comes up over and over and over again is whether you can practice kink and be a feminist. What I find in a sort of casual fashion (i.e. I haven’t compiled statistics) is that this seems to be a mainly American anxiety rather than a feminist one. But this makes perfect sense because, when people talk about empowerment, it’s always about reacting to dominant cultural attitudes.

To the extent that kink is seen as subversive, social norms are the standard against which the extent of the subversion is predicated. Americans (and others) have been so bad at consent and so good at the construction of sexual mores that it can be hard to look at something like kink and untangle the disparate issues that it raises in a productive way. I mean, you can’t talk about the pervasive nature of counter-consent cultural discourse and then pretend that all sexual activity isn’t taking place in this framework. Nor can you pretend that sexual mores aren’t pervasive in determining how we think about sexual expression and that certain acts aren’t subversive simply because they raise other salient issues or perpetuate problems with consent.

Oftentimes when people talk about kink as “empowering” what they mean is subversive, and this betrays a certain puritanical streak in itself. Sexual acts are not simply things that gratify, they must be justified. The framework or the language of “empowerment” is often just the language of justification, picked up and with the religious ideals dusted off. Of course consensual kink exists, and of course it matters, but what I’ve noticed is that simply acknowledging the importance and role of consent in kink is usually not enough to defuse skepticism. Part of that is the healthy skepticism that is a mandatory level of vigilance in a society that is hostile to consent. The other part of it really truly does come down to old attitudes about the idea that sex and sexual acts must have some ulterior reasoning beyond pleasure. There has to be some psychological compulsion or reasoning behind kink, for instance. So “vanilla” sex requires none?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not incredulous that people can’t “figure out” kink, but it is only to the extent that “normative” sex and attraction can be figured out that kink can even be figured out. Why do heterosexual men (generally) seem to find a certain female archetype attractive? Some of that is certainly cultural. Why do some people like the idea of submission and domination? Here too, some of it is certainly cultural. So kink can be explained to some extent, but it cannot be understood beyond a point. It’s similar to heterosexual men who accept that the reason they find certain physical attributes in women attractive is culturally constructed, but couldn’t if confronted, really explain on an individual level why they personally find those physical attributes attractive.

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Without even clicking, I think that’s probably the latest iteration of the test I took (on paper, naturally) in the late 1970s. Yes, the MIT purity test has been around a LONG time! It was only 100 questions then, and even with my aging memory I’m quite certain there weren’t very many questions that would fit in this current category, so I’ll bet those extra 400 questions cover a lot of new ground!

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A problem with consent is that it involves a polar dynamic of entitlement. A person who seeks to avoid consent is acting out of a feeling of personal entitlement. But likewise, a person who insists upon consent is also acting out of a feeling of personal entitlement! Both perspectives frame sexual activities and behaviors in terms of being a personal problem. And this works as an extension of a society which also frames housing, child rearing, and resource allocation as also being personal problems. If you have sex, you need to be very selective, because it will be the two of you who raise any children - not the whole village… Or the weird industrial commoditization of sex where people are each are transactors who invest in the activity rather than simply enjoy its mutual benefit.

I would agree that many kinds of pleasure and comfort can seem rather frivolous. But there are also different kinds of pleasure. I think of sex more as a form of communication and hygiene than entertainment. Even when brushing your teeth and doing your laundry are not the most entertaining thing you could possibly be doing, they create a situation which is more pleasing than not doing them. They are part of the daily maintenance of being human, and I see sex as being similar. And a more open sex-positive culture yields better sexual experiences resulting in happier and healthier people.

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Generally the idea is that the sub has all the power (to continue or stop when they say) and the dom has all the control (not to go too far). A power and control exchange.

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I’m in full agreement; I think a tremendous amount of what shapes us sexually comes from childhood. Both from our experiences (kids fooling around, experimentation) and from what we’re exposed to. Even the most innocent cartoon or movie can spark ideas or questions in kids’ heads. I know plenty of people who can trace their fetishes to Disney or Warner Brothers cartoons. I’d actually be fascinated to know what movie led you to that particular kink.

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When I last did that test in the 1990s I recall it being 400 questions. Even then, there were a lot of duplicates.

I guess purity scales with inflation.

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Q414: …had sex, participated in oral sex, or participated in mutual masturbation in a suspension device of some kind? (Hammock, trampoline, tightrope, safety net, etc.)

For string hammocks, I say trying counts. Those damn things are Fucking Mission: Impossible.

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IMHO and with all due deference, even that seemingly exhaustive kinkster questionnaire oversimplifies in trying to linearize kinkiness. I’m not saying don’t take the test; I’m saying take the test with a shaker of salt.

Kink communities and kinksters are as diverse and manifold as any metagroup comprising the squirrelly, idiosyncratic and, occasionally, creepy animals known to their own kind as humans.

But when someone wants to get a sense of what kink is about for the first time, I usually direct them to Girl on the Net…not because she’s representative of everyone, or is even the most comprehensive kink blogger, but because she blogged the same journey a lot of ingénue kinsters (guys and gals) are and will embark upon.

For myself, I’ve been a tourist (and as the song says: everybody hates a tourist), but I’m way to weird for most kink scenes, and get bored easily, so I satisfy myself by writing about alien and post/trans-human sexuality and leave the boring ape-like dominance/leather/wanna-be-vampire play to the muggles :slight_smile:

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This is a problem I have, as well. I have kinky friends who have frequently invited me to local BDSM clubs and Camp Crucible (NSFW-ish link), but it’s just not my scene. The response is usually “well, you can just come and watch!” but I think that’s even less of my scene.

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I realize that this inventory isn’t meant to be taken seriously but still, there was an opportunity here to plot your sexuality in far more dimensions than just ‘purity’ (which isn’t even a dimension of sexuality). A self-described vanilla person who happens to be a serial monogamist and/or cheat would score as far less ‘pure’ than a person who lucked out early on in their adult dating life and found someone who shared their kinks (and more!) and whom they loved (yahtzee!).

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Though there are those of us for whom those feelings with regards to sexuality are equally baffling. It took me a long time to understand how people could feel ashamed of their sexuality, and I don’t think I’ll ever undertsand it viscerally. Different strokes.

The proprietor isn’t long on personal or off-topic info, so I can’t be certain, but my impression has always been one of mild sarcasm regarding the “purity” of the test, particularly given the “industry standard” silliness. That said, you may prefer the 200 question questionnaire on the homepage, and wish to avoid the 1,000 question questionnaire .

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THE CHICKEN TENDERS: Image[quote=“GulliverFoyle, post:31, topic:81709”]
I’m saying take the test with a shaker of salt.
[/quote]

I take everything with some grains of salt… and occasionally with some lemon/tequila too.

*lolz

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I don’t think you’re supposed to have drunk sex any more.

I always make my dates sign a notarized contract before we even go out; they know in advance what’s expected of them.

:wink:

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Ooh what does said contact say? You know, just for my own personal “research”.

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Sorry; that’s privileged and confidential information… unless you are actively seeking an application, of course…

*lolz!

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