Failed Oklahoma GOP nominee condemns opponent as secret replicant


#1

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#2

The best thing about electing replicants is that the four year lifespan means you don’t have to worry about enforcing term limits.


#3

Rep Lucas says he has never been to Ukraine.

Ah hah! Proof positive that he’s a clone, because the real Lucas had to be there to be executed. And notice that he did not deny that he was a robot, body double, or replicant. Even when asked directly, he gives the concerned public a non-denial denial:

Many things have been said about me, said to me in the course of all my campaigns. This is the first time I’ve ever been accused of being a body double or a robot.

I’ve been following this story since Friday, and the part referenced here [isn’t the weirdest][1] thing on his website; he’s got abduction insurance:

As your Ambassador, Hon. Timothy Ray Murray, for The People of The United States, I have:
Requested and obtained in 2013, Protection from partial or whole life placement on Starship without the knowledge and or will of any person(s) on Earth or in Space, and the storage of partial human size life on Earth or in this Solar system. This matter is sealed with The People, The U.S. President, and The U.S. Supreme Court.

and he’s apparently another chip off the ol’ block block of the ol’ chip:

Requested and obtained removal, from humans, of an illegal de-human chip from persons abroad and in armed forces use. Helped block the 7th day Legislation in the ‘70’s that would put the 666 de-human chip in every person on earth.

And good news, ladies, he’s holding tight to his purity of essence DNA:

This is a situation similar to the Senators’ from Kentucky situation in the 2012 election. I am contesting that this matter has happen since his election was blocked, because of the U.S. Defense Department’s use of Mr. Murray’s DNA. To my knowledge, the U.S. Defense Department has not released to the public that information, as it is their confidential information about many people. Congress is likely wanting me to state that all my DNA used will not result in benefits to people I have never had relations with of a family nature. I have been bound to protect that information unless it causes harm to The People.

He did get 5.2% of the vote in the primary, so now we have a baseline for potential replicants in the district.
[1]: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/06/27/1310026/-Republican-candidate-is-convinced-his-opponent-is-dead-and-using-a-body-double-as-a-stand-in


#4

Seems reasonable to me. Explains a lot of things about the GOP these days…


#5

“Rep” Lucas…


#6

And the Dems, the other 2 times he ran, I guess.

I’m confused - he says that the execution was televised in 2011 - why doesn’t he just provide the video of the televised execution? Usually these types of nutbar conspiracy theorists contend that something happened in a secret backroom session, and “the man” is keeping it away from the sheeple to keep them complacent. But saying that it was televised and everybody saw it is a particularly bizarre delusion.


#7

Didn’t we upgrade them all to Nexus 7 a couple of years ago?


#8

If it is possible to die of facepalming, I will know (by self-inflicted wounds) within the next few hours.

At what point to do we cross from tinfoil hat territory into a person’s public declaration marking them as actively delusional?

I mean, if he would just strip naked, coat himself in grape jelly, and stand on top of the oil derrick on the front lawn of the state capitol, all the while declaring himself to be Napoleon, we could get him the help he needs.


#9

I guess he even fails at being a nut-job!


#10

If you’re going to create replicant politicians, shouldn’t you grow them fresh so they don’t have any skeletons in their closet?


#11

Yeah, he didn’t even properly use CAPS!!!


#12

This is a solid step forward for empirical thought and rationality among Republican candidates.


#13

“I will always share public information with the truth when honored to serve as your Representative.”

Until then, here is some batshit crazy to help you through your day.


#14

I really really want this man elected. If only he’d run for congress.


#15

We can easily get to the bottom of this by asking Mr Lucas what he thinks of his mother.


#16

To be fair, the number of Republican candidates in this primary was so inflated that the polling stations had specific instructions posted, reminding said voters to vote both sides of their ballot. This could be partially explained by voter overload, where some were just picking names at random.

I blame the explosion of candidates on Coburn’s retirement. In a state that is amongst the reddest of the red, a special election for a seat in the US Senate brings out the crazies clear down to the level of the local precinct.


#17

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Infrastructure budgets under fire off the shoulder of the I-35. I watched subcommittees bicker in the dark near the Tulsa statehouse. All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain…”


#18

I like that “secret replicant” in the headline, because after all, the openly loud-and-proud replicants aren’t the ones we have to worry about.


#19

Better watch out, Texas! Rival Oklahoma is catching up with you in the nutbar department!


#20

I don’t understand. When did death ever stop anybody from being a Republican?