Famous right pastor: If my son married a man "I'd sit In cow manure and I'd spread it all over my body"


#21

That sackcloth better not be made of two different types of materials otherwise he’ll have to answer to Leviticus 19:19.


#22

Roger That!


#23

I’d like to begin the countdown until Mr. Kevin Swanson is found engaged in homosexual behavior himself.


#24

Now there is a bluff that demands calling. “Say, Dad, I just have a logistical question from the wedding coordinator: would you like a changing room in which to change into your burlap sack for your performance, or will you just be driving to the church already dressed in it? No, under ordinary circumstances, Bruce and I would prefer you made sure the cowshit was locally sourced, organic, and contained no GMOs, but in the interest of a large and welcoming tent, we want you to feel encouraged to smear whatever flavor of feces you like on your person. 'Cause we love ya, Pops.”


#25

The most amazing thing to me is that this guy has an audience that is not there for the comedy. For some reason I have a compelling desire to draw smiley faces on pussy sores.


#26

Well. . . that would certainly be interesting entertainment at his son’s wedding reception, but I would still prefer a polka band.


#27

if i were his son (and not gay), i’d want to marry a guy just so i could call his bluff. if i were his son and gay, then i’d come out immediately and find a nice man to marry.


#28

If my son was a homosexual I would be a fecal freak and then I’d be all like, see son, you’ll never beat your dad on the avant garde sexuality front - you might as well give up, loser!
Then my son would be like, Dad listen…
and I’d be like no, you listen also I’m a Furry! I’m a furry and a fecal freak! HAH how’s that for Épater la bourgeoisie because that’s what you are son - the bourgeoisie!
Okay Dad bye…
No wait, I’m going to autofellate and strangle myself now! Don’t start that car! If you start that car we are over, mister!


#29

Of course they recommend it for the children. The Bible commands it:

Exodus 21:17 And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.

Leviticus 20:9 For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.

Proverbs 20:20 Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.

It also explains why they go commando, as underwear with an elastic waistband would violate:

Deuteronomy 22:11 Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.

and why they have bouncers at the entrance to the church to block anyone who has a deformity from entering, as per:

Leviticus 21:18 For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, 21:19 Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, 21:20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; 21:21 No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.

21:22 He shall eat the bread of his God, both of the most holy, and of the holy.

21:23 Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries: for I the LORD do sanctify them.


#30

Millstones are so passé these days.


#31

Oh, I think he can find a very local source of manure to wear to his son’s wedding. He needs look no further than his own face to find an ample supply.


#32

State of the art is a roller mill. Should be also a viable tool for his proposed use case.


#33

Man, this temper tantrum is embarrassing… this guy is an open sore.


#34

Baffling to me that someone can find the time and energy to act this way. Must be tiring.


#35

“That is what I would do and I’m not kidding, I’m not laughing.”

I think that shows some self awareness. “Hmmm, okay, what I just said sounds kind of stupid.”


#36

That’s…incredibly specific. Makes me think he’s kind of hoping his son marries another man, just so he’ll have an excuse…


#37

Yeah, some of us were into millstones when they were still… underground…


#38

You should know a little more about him.


#39

Y’all are a bunch of dingleberries.


#40

One Mississippi…