Fired police officer reinstated after blaming positive cocaine test on 'sexual aid cream'


I would expect that not to stand up in court.


If it could stand up, he wouldn’t need the cr-- ooh, I can’t say it!


Why not? He’s an upright citizen.


It’s always fun to see cops use excuses they wouldn’t accept from suspects. But, thanks to high court / low court. he’ll never get prosecuted for possession of the cocaine laced dick cream, which, presumably, he turned over as evidence to get out of his firing… :-p



so close to awesome

It’s supposed to be an “upstanding member of society” :wink:


Castro strikes again?


I suspect that it won’t have to. First-line drug tests aren’t…always exemplars of laboratory practice and chemical precision…so unless you were atypically motivated to nail the guy, or using one of the nice ones(which could get very expensive for a routine sampling program), you don’t really have much incentive to drag it in front of hostile expert witnesses just to secure a termination, not even a possession charge.

Again barring a specific vendetta, they’ll probably figure (rightly) that being the butt of every joke at the station forever will motivate the guy to at least cheat competently next time, if not actually reform, and quietly drop the matter.


cocaine had been “unwittingly absorbed into his blood through an erection-enhancing cream he applied to his genitals.”

Man, I HATE when that happens.


All very true… but I think our friend was just making a dick joke :smile:

He really needed one of these guys:


Substance abuse is forgivable. Insulting human intelligence with a cocaine boner cream excuse is not.


Better idea: Stop drug testing people and judge them on the degree to which they carry out their professional duties in an ethical and societally responsible manner.

Instead of setting people up in a way that lets observers scream “hypocrite!”, change the law to reflect the real values of society.


Firing people is difficult both legally and socially without a nice well documented cause, in the minimum wage category drug testing is a way to get a probable fire on someone you want gone with the bonus of punishing them by withholding unemployment that they have paid into, even though they only had used outside of work. It is how small people bully smaller people.

Also the above comment about two legal systems, I think there are three, one for the enforcer criminals, one for the wealthy criminals who get off but fund police benevolent associations and judicial, executive, and legislative election campaigns, and one for the normal criminals who provide a large pool of suspects when required but do not directly give to the police benevolent association. The enforcer and wealthy criminal classes get to make excuses and mitigating circumstances are well weighed.


Police carry live firearms. They’re largely shielded from violence they perpetrate while wearing uniform. We can’t tolerate uniformed, armed police taking proscribed stimulant drugs. It’s a public safety issue and a liability.

I agree with not ruining peoples lives over drugs, but actually if they want positions of responsibility - e.g. carrying weapons on behalf of the state, they need to act responsibly - put him on a desk job for a while until he passes three drugs screens and the message gets through.

People involved in the “justice” system must be held to the highest standards.


Is nobody going to address the sheer ridiculousness of his claim in the first place?

Viagra works by being a vasodilator, whereas cocaine is a vasoconstrictor as well as being a numbing agent. Exactly what you wouldn’t want in a “erection enhancing cream”… that is unless you wanted something to help numb the area because of an inability to endure sufficient contact (which I guess would qualify as a “sexual aid cream”).


Why do you think people were mocking it with so many dick jokes?

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That’s not actually a terribly ridiculous claim, depending on the test used. Benzocaine is readily available over the counter for topical use(usually dental; but it looks like they have ‘endurance enhancement’ products based on it as well) and it is a not-too-distant relative of cocaine, although of no recreational value.

If the test he is contesting is actually good enough to distinguish cocaine from its assorted tame derivatives, then his assertion is much dodgier (if anything, people are going to be adulterating cocaine with benzocaine and friends, not the reverse, since the latter is cheap and legal and the former is not).


If we tell the cops that they can’t have coffee, they’ll overthrow democracy in a heartbeat.


I’m assuming his colleagues will rip the absolute piss out of him when he returns to duty.

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now i understand the market for this product…