I resent that.
There is no PROOF
1 Like
The proof is in the pudding?
8 Likes
How can I have any Pudding if I don’t eat the … ohh … you won’t get me to fall for that one.
19 Likes
I feel like there’s gonna be some psychotropic drugs involved in the defense here. This is so far from normal behavior that there’s gotta be an explanation of some sort.
Well, we don’t wanna get too far into “having tea with the queen” territory in our self-estimates. Taking an objective look at what happened in this case, we’ve all been there, really. Tonight while you brush your teeth, take a good long look in the mirror and try telling yourself that you honestly haven’t felt like doing something just like this sometime in the past week. It doesn’t take much… boss looking at you with indecipherable expression on his face… dog whining… having difficulty opening can of tuna… long-winded book with overwrought plot elements and a bolted-on romantic subtheme… there but for the grace goeth I.
3 Likes
Daily, I fight the impulse to crash my car into the jackasses who cut me off, nearly sideswipe me, and a thousand other traffic indignities, but never have I needed to fight the impulse to eat another human’s face. That’s next level WTF.
13 Likes
Our population is quite transient. It lets the people in the “know” know these were solid folks from among us.
The author was also probably just trying to fill up the article to get it out fast.
4 Likes
12 Likes
Oh, I hadn’t read that part. Yeah, that does change things a little.
Although most of what I said still applies. Maybe all of it. Perhaps even more so.
2 Likes
Please keep in mind that we’re your friends. We’re not like the others…
2 Likes
I never meant to imply he or anyone should be shot. It’s a rare circumstance where I would condone lethal force, but obviously (and in theory i guess), police use it when they fear for the public or their own lives.
By that logic it’s beyond absurd a white male, squatting and grunting in a blood soaked garage while ‘eating someone’s frickin face’ is somehow assessed a lower risk than a POC with a broken tail light.
22 Likes
and then they gently sedated him to let him sleep it off
2 Likes
17 Likes
I shouldn’t have laughed. But I did.
12 Likes
I can’t help but say it once again—this is every Onion editor right now:
17 Likes
#Local Website’s Satirical Headlines Outmatched by Real Ones
“We give up,” senior editor admits.
CHICAGO, August 16—A crowd formed in the lobby of The Onion headquarters, following the organization’s anouncement that its staff are no longer able to generate headlines as ridiculous as the ones in traditional news. “It’s really not fair,” said intern Mischa Grames. “Reality is supposed to follow certain guidelines, guidelines which we could poke fun at by imitating and exaggerating real news stories.” Other members of the crowd echoed her concerns, pointing out… read more
18 Likes
Dark humor is the best. If this sends us to hell, I will save you a seat on the bus.
5 Likes
From T S Eliot’s Fragment of an agon
SWEENEY: I knew a man once did a girl in
Any man might do a girl in
Any man has to, needs to, wants to
Once in a lifetime, do a girl in.
Well he kept her there in a bath
With a gallon of lysol in a bath
SWARTS: These fellows always get pinched in the end.
SNOW: Excuse me, they don’t all get pinched in the end.
4 Likes
