Flying Spaghetti Monster hate mail

I hope you die by the hands of some sick perverted guy who will skullfuck you and then use your skin to make lampshades

Thanks. You’ve converted me. I’m feeling HIS love already.


Men never send hate mail so fully, so gleefully, as when they do so out of religious faith.


Those letter writers are a wacky bunch. Really.

The most fervent followers of a religion - the ones who talk about it and sermonize and evangelize and pray the most - seem to be the most disturbed, especially “born again” types who bought into religion because they were promised that it could somehow make them whole and fix their problems. Their very enthusiasm marks them as potentially unstable.

Then when the crutch fails, look out. Whenever I learn that someone is evangelical or born-again, I always think of Rollen “Rainbow Man” Stewart, although he is obviously an extreme case.

Sadly, it’s no surprise that some people are screwed up enough to take the FSM as a serious threat.

(My beliefs, based on my experiences. I am not a psychologist.)

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And not the lamb of God with a thousand eyes looking inside and outside?

Or maybe a bush on fire that never stops burning…

(Which is only appealing in one context)

Or… Maybe this…

A picture of YHVH himself…

In all his Dagon chicken headed snake footed glory.

For those if you without the priviledge of being raised Christian and all… These are all descriptions of the appearance of Christian deities from a few choice moments in time… And Jesus in his final form.

It goes… Baby Jesus, Child Jesus, preachy Jesus, angry Jesus, almost dead Jesus, then resurrected Jesus, and finally nightmare lovecraftian sheep Jesus.


I could go with the whole 6000 year old Earth thing if someone in the religious community could explain to me that if Adam and Eve were the first people, and started the entire human race, why don’t we all have the same last name?

On a completely unrelated note. Marijuana is a horrible drug.

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Please please please provide links to or sources for those pictures. I have to know more. Pllease.


They still have child-like minds. Or rather, what child-like minds grow into when all genuine inquisitiveness and critical thinking skills are punished.


You know, I actually wasn’t aware that Darwin was physically and mentally unhealthy. This changes everything! Throw away his work and the 150+ years of supporting evidence because this guy was clearly a screwball who made everything up. What fools we are!


Yeah, I had that thought when I was reading through the book of Revelation.

“Wait, so this dude has millions of normal dudebro angels, all the good dead people’s souls, and several eyeballmonsters who have so many eyeballs they’ve got eyeballs on the insides. And all they do is sing about how great of a guy he is. Why does he even give a fuck about what humans think. Must be the most emotionally stunted and insecure guy ever.”


First image:


Yup. The difference between authoritarian religious people and scientists.

To the religious authoritarians, the person’s reputation and honor is so important the facts make no difference. The truth is what an authority says it is. Not what the nature of reality is tested and found to be.


The operative word there, of course, is “seemingly”.

Joseph Campbell and the Masks of God… Occidental myth is where I get most of my heretical things to yell at the internet.

It’s old and dated, but the explanations and research into the origins of Christianity go all the way back to Sumera, and before. And the series covers world myths and narratives and it’s just amazing.

He mentions the whole Dagon/Yahweh thing and explains a more secular version of what happened in the Bible.

For me, it was… Eye opening? I wasn’t even mad. I was like… Oh. Not many people know this. Also the problem is people think about God the way they think about stuff and history. It’s transcendent as a subject when approached correctly. Not doing so leads to religious paranoia… Everyday symbols that are obvious as metaphorical become esoteric and all woo woo. Other shit that still sounds like it could be talking about today, becomes over emphasized just cause it still seems to make sense.

And do remember the Bible is stolen property. Half that shit is set dressing. Who knows why it was still in there. The Catholics were working off a different script entirely, and checking the Bible for continuity errors and ideas and back story… In what is obviously a dramatic reenactment of a not to be taken as true thing.

The 1000 eyed lamb of God is all the symbolism referring to Jesus in the Bible. Revelations is a strange book anyhow. Artists representations of symbolism as objects located in 3 dimensional space and time with perspective and light bouncing off them and stuff are always hilarious.

Short story is… There’s two creation myths from two tribal societies woven together in Genesis. Theres a slave revolt at one point. They run. It’s gets so bad they all freak out. The Egyptian leader who grabbed the slaves told them to quit killing and eating eachother. I think some shit went down with some you are what you eat ideas, and a while goes by. A social reformer is born. And then he gets killed along with the other criminals. And then the world explodes. And the end. Its a deus ex machina. Too.

Oh… And then a Roman named Paul used this as the basis for his fan fiction. And an emperor liked it so much he made all the Romans play along. Also Paul.was confused about his sexuality. And that showed in his fiction, and people still get all freaked out about what’s Paul struggling with man love. And what’s God damning people to hell forever stuff.

Oh. Also there’s a continuity error. That social reformer was supposed to come.back two days later… And then didn’t and that fucked up a lot of stuff. They just kinda threw in some Zombies and special effects and glossed it over.

But 1500 years later? Our Christianity bears almost no resemblance to the stuff back then.


Someone discovered hallucinogens.

It’s sad it’s at the end. It’s the thing wackadoodles get all excited about. And it turns Christianity into an apocalypse cult.

They all secretly think gods coming back in their lifetime… It’s part of the special charm.

It makes for less forward thinking people.


Oh, I agree completely. It’s alternately hilarious and sad and frustrating that my dad sincerely believes the bible is the literal and inerrant word of his god.

He has told me outright that all the genocides done by the biblical jews are completely moral. Because god said so.[quote=“grimloki, post:35, topic:75970”]
Someone discovered hallucinogens.

Actually no. At least not yet. Every opportunity I’ve had, I’ve declined so far, due to not thinking I’m anywhere near mentally healthy enough to handle a real trip. I treat hallucinagens with an overabundance of caution.

The way my friends always described their trips when we were teenagers and in our early 20s left me thinking, “how is that different from going temporarily schizophrenic?”

I understand there’s a big difference these days, but I am still very careful, and am not sure I’d be ready to even try.

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Thank you!

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They’re EULA Christians. (Christians for whom the Bible is like a software End User Licence Agreement. Not to be read or understood. Just assume that you know what it means, scroll down to the bottom, and click “I Agree.”)


I saw a sign for a shop called "Mary’s Gyros."
Apparently “Mary Had a Little Lamb” had a super dark ending.


And it was delicious.