Free vibrators for non-essential federal employees


They ought to send them to Congress so they could go fuck themselves. Least they could do.


Goes with my speculation on a Furlough Baby Boom in nine months. Seems free vibrators might help that possibility.

I was thinking they should get free butt plugs.


i’m guessing no free Fleshlights for the guys because (I’m told) they are kinda pricey.


No good. They’d never fit with all those sticks up there.


Or their heads.


Seems superfolous since the GOP is constantly screwing them.

I think Congress masturbates quite enough already

This might shake things loose.

I was gonna say, send 'em all some K-Y…

When I was at UT-Austin, there was a student group called The Royal Order of Python. One semester they set up a table and handed out free packets of K-Y (like ketchup packets) for “when the administration tries to fuck you in the ass.”

While I’m here, these are some other activities the Pythons set up:

  1. A local anti-gay activist would semi-regularly show up around campus with his banners: “you don’t have to be gay,” “gay is sad” etc. The Pythons countered with “You don’t have to be GABE” in which they made Welcome Back Kotter handpuppets and exhorted passersby that Gabe Kaplan was corrupting the youth and would have them all wearing corduroy blazers with elbow patches
  2. They set up a public debate between the Young Conservatives of Texas (or maybe College Republicans) and the school chapter of NOW over whether toilet paper should be hung with the tail in front or in back. (Both groups participated.)

What’s wrong blazer with elbow patches!?! I need about a dozen of those… nice Welcome Back Kotter reference, though.

Also, this group sounds amazing. We need one here. Why, just this week, one of those anti-gay religious groups showed up on campus. Cause quite a crowd of insta-counter protests and tons more gawkers, but nothing as epic as welcome back kotter puppets… I’m sure they’d have a field day with the new “white student union” that has popped up on campus this summer, which most of us have just ignored as a dumb thing, considering the make up of the campus.

They were! I was never an “official” member but it seems like a friend and I always ended up participating in their antics. It looks like they were defunct by 2003, which is about 10 years after I’d finished college.

I’m not sure we have anything similar in our parts, sadly. There are a few pastafarians around town, but none organizing on campus as far as I’m aware, and no Sub-genius adherents either. Certainly not anything as wonderful as this. Too bad, as we could use them, I think.


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