I’m sorry.
You’re leaking; it happens sometimes.
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Others are feeling it more. I’m just locking it in and it’ll come out down the road as material. I think I feel worse about that.
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Trump still president-elect and is still hanging with people attached to the new white nationalist movement.
Also, my mom is not feeling good.
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Best wishes to your mum. Feel better soon, Mrs Mindysan!
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Once again, my friends and family are all too busy to come to one of my concerts. It doesn’t bother me as much as it should, which is actually the thing that bothers me. After a lifetime of not being supported, I’m just so used to it that it doesn’t matter…except, I know it’s SUPPOSED to matter. So, even in this scenario, somehow I’m the one at fault.
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It’s dark and gloomy. I’m cold, I haven’t eaten today, I didn’t get to sleep until late and woke up after half the short day had passed.
I’m being evicted. A friend has offered me a place, but it’s miles from anywhere* and there’s not enough room for my stuff. I’m slowly sorting through it, but I’ve packed 15 boxes of books to go with me, and one to be taken to the charity shops, and there’s still more to be packed. I have to be a bit more selective, I guess.
I missed my GP appointment because I was dealing with eviction stuff, so I’m still not back on the anti-depressants. If I make another appointment, it’ll be three weeks again until I see him, or maybe a week to see someone else, who I’ll have to go over the whole thing again with, with a complete stranger. You know how tired I am of telling strangers about my depression? I don’t want to, it’s because I have to, in order that they can fill in boxes in their bureaucratic forms, so I can get some treatment or some other favour? And deal with what I imagine they’re thinking about me, which is after all, only what I’m thinking about myself.
I was holding my head in my hands a little while ago; I wanted to squeeze it until it was small black marble of condensed matter, no feelings, no thought, no sensation, just nothing. I thought of the Host in a recent episode of Westworld, cracking his skull with a rock. Is that a suicidal thought? Does it count for as such for bureaucratic box-ticking, even if I didn’t think the word ‘suicide’ — until just then?
I wish I drank, I could do with being blotto for a bit.
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It felt odd giving your post a “like” so here is a note to say: they are not thinking what you think they’re thinking. Depression lies. It puts a filter of lies over the world. And I promise you, they are NOT thinking what you think they are thinking. What they could be thinking is “OMG I just want to give this person a hug” but they cannot because professional ethics and organizational behaviour rules frowns on that sort of thing. And yes. Wanting to be “not here” counts. Please tell your GP or go to a walk in or the hospital and tell them what is going on. Please.
Also, may I suggest renting a storage locker, and staying at your friends place for a month, or two if they can handle it. Pack a single suitcase and thats it. Put everything else into storage. Its just things. They’ll be there when you’re settled. I lived with all my stuff in storage for over 3 years. Getting those boxes back was like xmas morning. Internet hugs for you.
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Be glad that your toddler hasn’t developed a taste for mojitos, like mine has…
…he liked them so much he shouted “I’m drinking RUM!” to the establishment we were in…
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God, I’m crying now. Thanks, I needed that, really. I know it intellectually, but in the moment, I feel somewhat different, and it’s hard to remind myself.
The problem with storage is money. I can get a good deal for a couple of months, but even so, I’ve got barely enough to live on as it is.
The deal with my friend is that he’s getting a place to store his body while he’s not at his new contract job or his weekend back home with his family, and he’d be subletting to me, but… he hasn’t considered what a person (with no money or transport) living there is going to need, like a local shop or a laundrette. I appreciate the help, I really do, but I’d have liked to have had some input before being presented with this. I need to talk to him about it, but I don’t want to come off like a whiny ingrate.
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Aw, I wish I could give you a real hug dude! I often have upset crying undergrads in my office and I wish I could give them a hug, I swear it would fix half the problems I see!!
Money is always the issue. PODS are $100-200 a month, and its a storage locker that is delivered to your residence. Or if your friends place isn’t viable, check out student housing or shared living places. Craigslist is still good for that.
Good luck!
And remember, depression lies! Its hard, but try not to listen to the lies!
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I think I like your kid.
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Without bothering to think about silly things like “standards” or “expected behavior” Red Hat’s Fedora team modified how linux systems using sssd interact with Active Directory, and then Red Hat pushed out the modification during a routine quarterly patch run to their flagship Enterprise Linux product.
Because of this insanity and this insanity (uber geeky links, do not click if RFC2307 is never casually mentioned in your household).
This breaks stuff, profoundly. POSIX systems require separate namespaces for groups and users and Active Directory cannot provide that separate namespace when directory consumers like sssd are drawing their information from a single namespace that does not allow duplication.
So all over the world, linux systems are breaking as scripts that rely on group names have suddenly had the rug yanked out from under them. These utter assclowns have blown off a critically important, globally significant standard on a whim without bothering to think for ten seconds about what it will do in real infrastructures.
##HACK TO FIX THIS, TELL YOUR FRIENDS
Add this line to your [domain] stanza in /etc/sssd/sssd.conf :
ldap_group_name = cn
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You have my sympathies.
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Trump is still the president-elect.
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Someone’s going to have to post similar every 24 hours until his term is over.
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.[quote=“null, post:2719, topic:67518, full:true”]
Someone’s going to have to post similar every 24 hours until his term is over.
[/quote]
I parsed this two different ways. The first parsing led me to think “should there be a Donald Trump Presidency-Elect Dead Pool”? The second parsing led me to think "that would never stop being a gloomy ‘Fuck Today’ (like there’s ever a cheery ‘Fuck Today’?)
I’ve been reading things elsewhere but worry about getting my hopes raised and then tumbled deep into an endless abyss of despair, but I kind of hope for a Presiden-cy Dead Pool, as long as it’s a short-term one
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But how is your mom feeling?
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A double-whammy today: Fidel died and then Ron Glass (Shepherd Book in Firefly) so that’s two of my dreams shattered…
The rum-swilling son I mentioned earlier in this thread was actually conceived in Cuba, and my wife reneged on an agreement to call him Fidel should such a blessed conception result in a boy.
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I think my cat Katy has decided that 20 is old enough. Won’t eat, can’t seem to remember how to drink water. I boarded her at the vet this week while I was out of town, because I was worried; they gave her fluids once, which probably perked her up enough to eat for a few days, but she hasn’t really managed to consume anything since I picked her up this morning. Seems like it’s finally time.
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I’m sorry. Losing a pet is always tough.
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