[quote=“AcerPlatanoides, post:2983, topic:67518”]
I had a nominally good day. Went out to the city for a tea-date that I was asked on by a kind, thoughtful, smart woman. […] I didn’t ignore my date today, but I imagine I was less than awesome company. […] honestly I think my date had fun, but my heart was nowhere near in it.[/quote]
And the Juxtaposed Statement of the Month award goes to…
I’m demoralized about my personal situation. I’m just out of a relationship where I didn’t even get to represent myself to my partner as she was too busy telling me what I was thinking, unless I wanted to fight over it. It became one of those I respect her authority or she disrepects my dignity situations, and I didn’t see it coming.
So It was nice to see one of the few national figures who I really feel well represented by.
Not having kids, I’ve struggled to fathom what you’ve been through these past several months. I wish I had more than mere words and hug GIFs for you. And since I’m on a crappy mobile, I can’t even send GIFs, so all I have are hugs as mere words.
*hug*
Words help!
It looks like my depression has become worse over the last two weeks.
How much worse? And are you in the northern hemisphere? Because us northerners are approaching The Slog, i.e. late January through mid-March.
Today I had no motivation to get out of bed and kept going back to sleep. I didn’t wake up until 8PM. Some suicidal feelings (Don’t worry, I know how to manage them, I’m not about to kill myself).
I am used to being depressed but this is clearly getting worse. My GP already knows about my depression but I should let him know about things changing.
51.5° North.
I suspect it is partly seasonal affective disorder mixed with dealing with last years disability benefit forms and moving house.
I think I will struggle to fathom it for some time to come. It’s heavy, that. At least I learned that my tendency to caretake people and forgive them is personally rewarding (for a change) if used with kids rather than with people with character disorders!
Nearly twenty years ago I was in a relationship that brought along an 18 month old little girl. I was her dad for three formative years before things went way south between her mother and me. It was hard leaving her (the little one) behind particularly as I did not think her mother was capable at that point of making responsible decisions. I last saw her when she was eight; thankfully she was doing well.
I have kids of my own now, and when I read them some of my childhood books I see where she had written her name in them. It’s no longer a punch but just a little jab. You get past it but it stays tender.
I’m probably just a carrier, I don’t think it’s actually having much of an effect on me apart from keeping me away from the clinic. In many ways I’d rather not have to stay there anyway, as it puts a lot of pressure on everyone else in the family and means that I can’t do my work. On the other hand, I was just settling in after a couple of days and had started to talk through things when I was told I had to leave within the next half hour.
I’m probably also excessively anxious about this; I hate feeling out of control and when my moods change so fast I end up in a kind of depersonalised state where I can’t trust, predict or sometimes even identify any signals I get. Some of the time I do realise when I’m going into a higher energy phase where I get hyper-sensitive to anything and kind of paranoid, but it’s exhausting to have to spend your time gaslighting yourself to stop things from getting worse. When I wrote the comment I was embarrassed about getting upset on BB the night before and annoyed because I was trying to get work done but I couldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know why – I practically never cry and I just wanted to focus. Crying about being emotional is a little recursive.
It has been a better week though, I seem to be more stable and I accepted and completed a pretty large project on time, which is the first time I’ve managed that for months. Four full days of work, even if it was into the night every day. We also got the deposit back from our house on Thursday and paid off the half of the debt that was due with a day to spare. The rest can be paid off in instalments, so the collection agency is not going to bother us at this point. These are the times when it’s really annoying; a few weeks when I really feel like everything’s OK and I can see the benefit of the medication. I hardly identify with the person in my body a week ago and the last thing I want is to start a completely different medication and go through months of adjustment.
@AcerPlatanoides I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through; I’m sure it’s a grieving process that they’re going through too and it’s obvious that you were very close. I don’t know what to say and I’ve never been through anything like this myself, but I hope you know that we are thinking of you and wish you well.
Thank you for that @critter
Same goes. And I don’t have advice for you, but I do wish you the best outcome. It’s good to get work in and done, that’s for sure.
Okay, seriously guys, it’s only 4 day until Trump gets inaugurated. He can’t be allowed to rule the free world, he’s not fit for the job. He’s heading a party who are intent on removing healthcare for tens of millions of people, and his views on Europe and NATO are risking the safety of hundreds of millions abroad.
How can he be removed from office legally? What steps need to be taken to get him out? If he’s shown to be breaking the emoluments clause, is that sufficient? The lawyers for both Bush and Obama have said he’ll be violating the US constitution by refusing to divest from his business. Who brings the court case?
I have a very particular way of dealing with loneliness: I find someone who I think would be a good match, and I look forward to that relationship. I don’t always act, though I always tell myself I will. I know it’s not exactly healthy, but it’s better than the alternative, at least in the short-term.
Anyway, it’s been a couple of weeks since my latest dreams were dashed, and I think it’s finally sunk in, because the loneliness is attacking again. The last time it happened, I had my writing to channel it into, but right now, all I have is self-reflection.
So I’m retreating into myself and spending way too much time reading, which has always been my reflex in difficult times. That should hold me over until I get out of this tunnel and back into the sunlight again. It always does. Still not a nice sensation, though.
Plus, I’ve got this really annoying cough at the moment. Stupid cough.
I don’t know, but I am so sick to death of the guy. I’m sick of seeing his face everywhere, I’m sick of all those articles “destroying” him over the last year or so, and I’m sick of the parodies and jokes about him. I just want to wake up one day and not see people talking about him for once. The guy is just offensive to me to the extent that I like myself less in the ways that I look like him and people like him.
I don’t know if there is any way to successfully remove him from office, but I think we should focus more on other things. Some of you know that I am ambivalent about abortion to some extent, but I’ve just made a donation to Planned Parenthood. They do a lot of amazing work and can credibly claim to be pro-life in ways that many “pro-life” people can’t, and I’d say this is one of the “First they came for the Communists” moments. I think the next four years are going to be miserable and even if Trump was successfully removed, I don’t think that would change the reality that it’s far from just him who is wanting to roll back many fundamental human rights. I can only hope that voters see sense and show solidarity with each other by the time his term is up.
I’m sorry. Maybe you’re not ready to date, in this case? It sounds like you still have an awful lot to work through with your last relationship?
Where was this?
Boston, Fanuel Hall, ACA Rally.
I actually had set a timer on dating, was going to wait at least two more weeks. As for issues, it’s more that I got blindsided by someone who I didn’t believe was so aggressively boundary crossing (aka toxic) - which has opened some old wounds more so than created new ones. But yeah, clearly not dating just now. Thanks!
I didn’t mean to come off as condescending, so sorry. I don’t think the “issues” are your fault, clearly they aren’t.
awww, no worries, you didn’t. When I am sitting with a coffee across from a fellow lovely human and all I can think about is what someone else entirely who is not going to show up, said six months earlier, I’m gonna go ahead and own that as an issue. Not a subscription, but a trauma to work through. This too shall pass.
Yeah, I hope so. It sucks feeling that way, because it makes it that much harder to connect with someone.
