Where it all go off the rails? Where? When?
[sigh]
I have never had to deal with Notes. Thanks for the heads up.
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It blooooooooows
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Yep, those are my final papers for the Big D. I am not going to open them tonight; I am gonna get a little tipsy; I am gonna dry out completely. A cocktail or beer is a helluva crutch. But it’s a damn crutch. Especially now.
I’m keeping the sudafed though, my allergies are outrageous.
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Okay, since I’m on my way… overshare time.
These are the mistakes that were made, and I’m going to obfuscate the partner cause it makes no difference.
1: I like affection
2: I have secret terms
1: okay, I respect that, but huh?
2. Deal.
- Okay.
…years later
1: What’s wrong?
2. I’m not happy
- Cause of what you asked?
- Yes .
- Can you be happy with man #3?
- Yes.
- I’m not happy with that.
2&3: we don’t care. Suck a bag of dicks. And pay for our vacations.
I don’t know when I’ll stop complaining. And I don’t know when I will be healthy enough to engage with someone on a personal level.
Well, it’ll be after tonight . If you want to spoon in a platonic way, let me know.
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Big big changes.
Divorce: a reset button, the size of a human heart, smacked by the cosmos. I had thought I was already awake. Maybe I hadn’t been.
There was that big flash of blue light, some bad sounds, the release of the magic smoke, the wreckage, the diagnoses (several, conflicting, of course), scrapping damn near everything.
Later, life looked a little different for me.
Different smells, the seasons seem to blow past me faster. I spent a lot of time reading. I was breathing differently. I reconnected with some of my earlier pastimes, things I was interested in once and did again (and do now). Sewing. Pickling. Writing real letters to friends in longhand, on 100% cotton bond paper. Relearning guitar chords and singing to myself [alone, that was best]. I recommitted to meditating. My ex had always scoffed at that one.
I moved to a different town.
I started over.
I worked a lot of odd jobs until I could figure out which way was up.
Positive. Up.
I too have been through a divorce (after a varied 10 years together).
I can imagine a little of what you are feeling.
I note that a decent, healthy-sized lemon is nearly the same size as a human heart. There’s a metaphor here I am struggling to avoid. Avoid it I shall.
You already know all of these things, these things I am about to say. Well, I will say them anyway.
Do not judge yourself. Others will do that anyway.
Turn your back on the past, so you can see your path, illuminated and populated by allies.
Remain in light. Choose light.
If whatever you are doing drains of you of energy, it doesn’t serve you. Leave it.
Walk in beauty. This is something I push myself to remember to do. Look for it, and it can be true tonic for the spirit. Sometimes it’s very small and hard to see. Getting down on my hands and knees in the grass sometimes is where I find it. (Not too near the fire ants!)
Thank you for being my teacher. I have benefited from your counsel. I am grateful for what you bring to the party.
And when you get a chance, start taking a decent probiotic between meals, at least twice a day. I take one called PB8. Sometimes a chewable is just easier because you don’t need water to swallow it. And use a neti pot, if you can, to hose your nose. Your allergies should start to recede, like the tide.
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But seriously. You can cuddle my bitch tits. I love you that much.
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The platinum rule makes more sense to me. It irons out edge cases, but trades that in for an unpredictable average or median.
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Perhaps if you would get out of those damn tweed 'jammies…
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@anon27554371, @anon29631895 , @LDoBe, @Melizmatic
That’s exactly what I needed.
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IMO if you don’t do item 3 first and foremost, you can’t do any of the other items on the list.
It’s not selfish. It’s logical. Item 3 is a “if and only if” statement. [Then: 1,2 … or 2,1… whatever order one prefers]
Compassion for oneself can be very difficult. I know this firsthand. And when I became a parent, I got even harder on myself. Every day I struggle to remember compassion for all, which by definition has to include myself.
Please consider the idea that taking care of yourself is in fact taking care of people (local and nonlocal) + animals + plants + etc. who depend on you. Perhaps my argument will be more palatable from this perspective.
It took me (only!) 10 years of psychotherapy, for budget reasons mostly 1x/month but sometimes 1x/week, to really grok what “taking care of oneself” actually looks like on macro and micro levels. It is a worthy kernel of programming to pursue. I had to find a wetware coder with better chops than mine to get it started.
Please let me save you some money, time, agony, drudgery. Figure out what taking care of yourself really looks like, and seek guidance from experienced advisors if you are having a hard time zooming in or zooming out. I seem to remember you mentioned you were already consulting a professional. Good!
ETA: included @japhroaig’s blockquote from upthread OP to make my text here clearer.
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Hugpile on @japhroaig
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For us nerds I will use a specific analogy: build your exception handling first, then build your function. Family, co-workers, friends, and damn psychiatrists are your exception handling. The function is you.
Slightly less nerdy: allow yourself some well crafted defense, or perhaps a bulwark. I consider investing in others exactly like having a savings account, bulwark, or defense. We all know life will throw curve balls… how do you prepare?
That’s why I listed them as:
- Financial stability
- Emotional stability
- Aspirational stability
- Nuke everything else
(I am not a doctor, I usually give bad advice, and be quite a Contrarian:D)
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Hey, @japhroaig. I hear there’s some dude in Times Square who also gives out hugs…and for free!
But here’s one from me in the meantime:
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Oh, you know I’d hold him uncomfortably long 
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That would be some lovely lemonade from poor @Medievalist’s old people ranting lemons, for sure.
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Truth! Just beware the sneaky hate spiral:
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Here’s another hug for @japhroaig, and everyone else too, in these crazy days:
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I am getting warning signs of an ME relapse.
I need to stop now before my immune system decides to stop me.
I can’t stop now because my disability benefits form still needs doing.
Whatever I do now will end badly, I’m just hoping that it doesn’t end with me losing the money I need to survive or spending most of the next six months to two years in bed.
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