Nice job un-plumping.
“Sounds good to me” = I have no idea what you’re saying
In my case specifically: “I have no idea what you’re saying because I haven’t been listening.”
My favourite is definitely:
“Let’s get some data on that” = I’m pretty sure you’re wrong
But that’s not just for meetings. That’s for everything.
That stock photo is so unfortunate. I’ve sat through my share of meetings, but I’ve never seen such an orgy of high-fiving.
I’m happy with my “intent focus” meeting style. Anyone who would rather I didn’t seem to be paying absolute attention so they could slip up or dither or otherwise even begin to appear to waste my time are largely disappointed.
I think we can find consensus best by agreeing to kill the holdouts, particularly if lunch is pending.
I’m afraid that when I ran some of these up a flagpole, nobody saluted.
(One of the many convoluted phrases that translates as “I am going to dismiss this, but I’m not going to be seen to dismiss it.”
My boss used to have one of these on her wall, along with the “six phases of a project”. Hers included “thank you for your contribution” which translated as “f**k you”. Actually it had a lot of phrases that ended with that translation, come to think of it.
On conference calls it seems like this always happens:
Meeting organizer: “What do you think, Larry?..Larry?..Did Larry drop off?”
Larry: “I’m sorry, my phone was on mute. Can you repeat the question?”
“My phone was on mute” = I wasn’t paying attention.
I read the 10 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings article, and everything was going great until I got to the one where I’m supposed to repeat whatever the engineer just said.
I am the engineer.
I guess I could just repeat myself. After all I’m the engineer and have little ability to interact with others.
“I’ll get back to you on that.” = “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“…silence…” = “LOLwut? insert pear”
Non-video conferencing is bogus. Tech has made old office meeting tropes tropey.
“How does this align with our core values?” = This sounds like a terrible thing to do to whomever.
Probably the “smartest” looking thing to do for a meeting is to refuse to attend any meetings that don’t have agendas. The next thing is to make sure that agreed-upon tasks get assigned with due dates and follow ups scheduled.
I once had a boss who would just invite me to meetings knowing that I would basically hold the meeting on whatever was asked for on the fly. I got dragged into so many meetings where no one knew why we were there, they just thought we should have a meeting on some vague topic.
They weren’t pointless meetings because I have the other kind of agenda. But I could have prepared something. (If I had to do this again, I would make a thousand slide powerpoint with pre-prepared topics.)
Anyway, my last several bosses have understood that’s a crappy thing to do. If they want me to hold a meeting, they tell me what they want me to hold it about, give me some parameters, and are available to answer questions if I have any.
I don’t get dragged into meetings where tips like this would help.
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