Help wanted: anti-terrorism intern for Disney

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A Specialist For Everything! I would love to hire a few of them for my working group.


If you can match Disney’s offer, i’m available.


Damn, the link doesn’t say whether it was a paid internship or not.

“Uh, Mr. McDuck, sir? I’ve completed my analysis of terrorism. It seems the root cause in almost all cases is poverty.”
“Good work, lad. Now away with ye, back to college. And that shiny nametag is yours to keep as a memento.”


Poverty where?

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Happiest place on earth indeed. Unless you’re a terrorist.

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Even 30 years ago a friend who has been to every Disney park said his information was that Disney has its own commandos in large numbers blending it with the crowd. Ever seen a security guard at Disney? And not that 70 year old fat fuck “security” guy that babysits lost children.


That’s not poverty; that’s a recruitment tool for zero hour, minimum wage contacts. :wink:

“You try an fuck with me, buddy, and I WILL fuck you up!”

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Actually, yes. While they have a few plainclothes ones in the shops there are many more throughout the park that you can pick out by their dark polo shirts and radios. When I was in high school we half jokingly referred to them as Disney Secret Service.


“You don’t fuck with the Mouse”
-Harlan Ellison


Do they really have fat, 70-year-old security guards? Or are you just expressing contempt for fat 70-year-olds?


This sounds like a job for Ron Swanson!

Considering the behavior of some security guards (and other uniformed thugs), I think that one who “merely” babysits lost children is worthy of more respect.

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Wayne Simmons?

When we were high school kids sneaking into disneyland via a friend’s annual pass, a few bottles of fluorescing ink, and some artistry with a fine tip brush under a uv lamp in a friend’s car, we always knew who the Disney security guys were. 100% correct on the polos thing, but also the only relatively young guys who were to be found sitting down on benches with newspapers rolled up in their lap, or on their side (the preferred hiding place for the (in the 80’s) relatively large walkie talkie.

I mean, where do you even get a newspaper inside the park?


Also easily spotted near any of the key exit points where cast members could duck behind the scenes, especially during high traffic times. When Fantasmic was introduced in '92 crowd control was definitely in the planning.

And DO NOT f-around inside "It’s a small world. Door open from the walls, and the disneyKops swarm and , will literally grab you and whisk you off to the disneyJail (which is just a small featureless room at least the section we were in).

Only smart-ass comments about being a minor, parents not being on the premises (or reachable), and asking if we could leave, and if not, then they’d better call the cops to press charges or it was kidnapping ended up getting us released.

Man were we stupid and ballsy.

oh, the reason we got nabbed. One of my idiot friends decided to dance along with the dolls, and his brother let the ride pull him in the water. All of this lasted roughly 3 seconds before they stopped the ride, and another few seconds before we were swarmed. They’re ready for this sort of stuff!


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