Teetotaler here, and my favorite mixed drink is as simple as it is bitter: Angostura and tonic. Fragrant, complex, clean, delicious.
My other favorite mixed drink these days is sparkling water, lime juice, stevia, and lithium aspartate. Not kidding. It does nothing to diminish my awareness of how fucked up things are (or about to be even more so) but it does help me contain myself whenever I read something that might otherwise make me want to scream and punch the wall.
Jesus! Four dashes of Angostura bitters!?
I may be a drunken sot but I’m no deviant!
Almost 100% with you. But I simply skip the tonic and go for the gin Gimlet. The gin (currently New Amsterdam, tasty but cheaper than Tanqueray) goes in the freezer too for shots. If I want something wetter I’ll drop the gin in club soda with 1/4 of a fresh lime. Brandy and bourbon are straight up, perhaps hand warmed for the brandy. Never got the taste for scotch though I’ve had plenty of single malt.
PS: the fruity abomination thing applies to bagels too. Blueberry bagels…seriously? I was horrified that Yonah Shimmel’s Knish Bakery had fruity knishes!! This horror MUST END.
Well that’s good. I was imagining an entire liter in a giant tumbler.
Go on…
That’s probably why I do drink.
I guess I’m still at the stage where I can joke about it.
Well, you got two parts right: lime juice and tonic. For those among us who might start injecting heroin if it weren’t for 94 proof booze, you forgot the gin. 
Love Maine Root ginger beer! Haven’t had it in over a year since my lunch spot quit selling it… I need to find a local supply.
Bitters are 80 proof. You’re not really drinking much of it. But does that really count as tee-totally no booze?
Week-old OJ has about as much alcohol. If you rinse with Listerine, you’ll absorb some alcohol through your buccal lining. I’m fine with tiny amounts like that.
Definitely not something I’d serve to an observing Muslim or Mormon, though.
I am not that staunch. I do love a good manhattan, whiskey sour, or old fashioned, a good martini and the occasional margarita.(or if I am feeling like something really sweet rum or whiskey and cola) My one rule which I learned from a barkeep is if you can’t drink it straight don’t drink it in a mixed drink. I have come to really like whiskey, and tequila straight.
I can’t stand the whole hide the flavor of the booze crap as that is just a recipe to get drunk as fast as possible (which I guess is a valid point for some folk) and a guarantee of a serious hangover the next day.
Haven’t you read the memo, comrade?
So, since nobody else is asking - is that THE shotgun? The one that was a more permanent solution than alcohol for taking his mind off of things?
So, if they were in a different room???
So, basically a pink gin for anyone who feels their manhood would be threatened by a drink with ‘pink’ in its name.
I recognize every single word but it makes no sense. What is wrong with you?
I can hear Papa saying “Fuck ‘Second Amendment solutions.’ Here’s a 21’st amendment one.”
For all his talk of mixed drinks, it says something that Hemingway’s final drink was a shot.
Don’t mind me, I’m just terrified by Trump right now and dark humor is one of my coping mechanisms.
I think some of these would be better for the next four years
You could (probably) legally sell it (the drink, not the straight bitters) to kids in the UK, so yes. 0.5% abv is the limit here.
