I think it was my father who said that the only thing all UU’s agree on is that service should not start before 11:00 am on Sunday.
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I mean, yeah. Bob Dylan wrote a song about one: God said to Abraham “Kill me a son.”
Admittedly, God didn’t make him go through with it, but that’s a serious dick move, God.
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That’s the 7th Day Mattressist division of the denomination. 
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the creation version of “time for a reboot”.
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Have they checked out Leviticus!?!
Nice coat there. Is that a cotton lining?
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The Bible itself is the best recruiting tool for atheism. You can’t read that business from front to back and take it seriously.
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Welcome to the weird field of biblical scholarship.
But, it’s not exactly disbelief, as someone else pointed out:
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I have several “evangelical” type relatives. I’ve heard every Christian “escape clause” for OT verses you can possibly think of. No longer applies? Check. Only partially applies? Check. Applies except in this, that and the other circumstance? Check. Never actually read it? Hella check. THEY WANT IT THEIR WAY AND NO WAY ELSE? You’re goddamn effin’ right CHECK!
Here’s a question: do any of these wanna-take-over-the-world so-called Christians have any idea which of their myriad factions will actually rule if/when they get that far?
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With the Catholics at least it was part of a long tradition of anti-contraception patriarchy, whereas the Protestant anti-choice position was a new one that didn’t explicitly come out of previously held religious positions.
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These goofs are so horny for the Ten Commandments, but y’know— I’ve never heard of anyone lobbying to put up a plaque or monument to the Beatitudes. I went to a “Christian” bookstore once to get a wall hanging of them as a gift, and despite them stocking the 10Cs in every size, shape, and material, the only thing I found with Beatitudes on it was… a bookmark.
I’ve always doubted most of them could even tell you how many Beatitudes there are.
(Eight.)
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Surprised he didn’t respond with, “Yes, but those were the bad people”
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…and created everything, and All of God’s Creation is Good. If All of God’s Creation is Good, does that mean evil is good?
Unfuck those people, man.
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Blessed are the … cheesemakers?
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The best story in the Bible has to be the Elisha and 2 bears story ( 2 Kings 2:23-25). A group of 42 kids are making fun of the prophet Elisha’s bald spot so God sends 2 bears to kill them all!
“Go up, you baldhead!"
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Their own, of course. Those others are heretics! God would never permit them to rule! Of course, each denomination is a fractal set, with sub- and sub-sub divisions just waiting to split. It cannot end well.
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I’m a fan of everything around Exodus 4:24 just for the “WTF?” factor. Plus I love me a good road trip story
But, agreed, the early example of fragile masculinity is also a real side splitter. I’d like to see the bears feature in some ads for treating male baldness 
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Exactly! You cant take the Bible literally. (Except when I cite specfic passages and tell you to take it literally.)
Noah inspires a particular ecstasy in evangelicals in their sermons. They just so get into the “cleansing” nature of God’s omnicide.
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Sure, but it generally refers to any manufacturers of dairy
products.
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My favorite part is when god promises to never do it again. So very reassuring! Reminds me of the abusive domestic partner. “Humankind, I’ll never genocide you agin! I promise! It’s just, when I saw you dancing with that other diety— well, baby, you make me go crazy sometimes.” And god can’t even keep that promise (Revelation). Mankind doesnt need a god; what they need is an order of protection.
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