I’m optimistic the tactic in Method 1, Step 8 will be successful for the woman on the right, though I’m a little surprised the other people are enjoying it so much.
The warnings are well worth your time too.
‘‘Your ‘beloved’ may hate you.’’
This is pure gold. I love the stinger at the end:
“Someone who is likely to walk from a wedding may be afraid of commitment, and insecure in relationships. This could pose problems for your relationship.”
This and “Have a taxi waiting” are amazing.
It takes a very big internet to produce material like this for us all to enjoy.
I’m kinda disappointed that “orbital nuclear strike” was not listed as a “during” option.
It is, after all, the only way to be sure.
“Share”. Nice try Rob, my sister-in-law is getting married tomorrow and this could look very interesting on my Facebook feed.
I hear drones are all the rage these days.
This article would not be complete without the illustrations…
Waitaminute, that’s not Dustin Hoffman! This is Dustin Hoffman! 
There’s always the Kill Bill method.
And the Andrew Garfield on SNL method (with apologies to those outside the US who are IP blocked):
I must admit that the ads this article has attracted are wonderfully clueless
No! Bad!
I’m either ashamed or proud to admit that I did not realize that the scene in Wayne’s World 2 was a parody of The Graduate.
We can be confident that the advice in this article will not deter the true wedding caller-offer.
One of those pieces of good advice that you hope you never need.
Self-castration with a pair of scissors is also worth trying.
Has anyone here been to a wedding where someone has objected? I have clergy relatives who have conducted hundreds of weddings, and have been to dozens myself, but have never heard of this actually happening.
