Originally published at: How will England respond to Queen Elizabeth's passing? | Boing Boing
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Not well. That’s for sure.
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She will outlive us all. Thousands of years from now, she will still sit on the throne of the small patches of British territory that still exist.
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And when she wants to laugh and talk about the old times, she’ll call Keith Richards.
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Badly. Some of Chuck’s own friends say he’d make a horrible monarch. If he doesn’t bow out immediately and hand things to William more Commonwealth countries will either dump the British monarch completely as head of state (esp. in the Caribbean) or further reduce the symbolic presence to irrelevance (e.g. Canada). It will be interesting to see how Scotland and Northern Ireland react as well.
What that will do to England in particular is exacerbate its decades-long journey toward being a meaner and more petty place, a backwater using the pageantry of its former glory to prop up an economy based on high-end tourism and money laundering.
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Lamentations/2/16
King James Version
All thine enemies have opened their mouth against thee: they hiss and gnash the teeth: they say, We have swallowed her up: certainly this is the day that we looked for; we have found, we have seen it.
Some other white supremacist parasite will get the silly hat, the BBC will heap unlimited praise upon her passing and radio stations across the country will play dirges.
Royalty will, uh, find a way.
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Former Colonies, in reality.
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Drink – it’s what we do on a bank holiday.
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The big question for me, as a Brit, is, “Will we get a Bank Holiday?”
Indeed, she will.
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That pretty much describes the British Empire at its height; only the tourism was the other way, and we fucked up everywhere that we went.
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Oh dear. I’m not even sure I want to contemplate this.
There is an actual plan for it: Operation London Bridge - Wikipedia
But basically it’ll make Princess Diana’s death look like your cousin’s budgie dying. You won’t be able to move outside Buckingham Palace for flowers. There may even be an actual shortage of them for a while.
Immediately on announcement TV schedules for the main channels will be thrown out of the window in favour of canned programmes reflecting on her life and reign, with rolling news banners at the bottom telling us who has said what as though that’s of any bloody use. There will also be a lot of cutting to statements being made by heads of state around the world, many of which will be from Commonwealth nations that most viewers didn’t know existed and couldn’t place on a map if their lives depended on it.
Newspapers will cover it constantly for at least 10 days.
“Cancel culture” hypocrisy will be incredible within 48 hours, with people who would normally claim that they’re being silenced suddenly shouting down anyone who questions what’s going on. In the streets there may be actual physical threats against those “not patriotic enough” in some areas as the hysteria drives people into a very strange state.
She will lie in state for a few days. Visitor numbers will be huge for that - it will be next to impossible to get a hotel or parking in London, and most trains will be fully booked as people queue up to gawp at her corpse for a few seconds.
The actual funeral will be held about 10 days after the death, with a service at Westminster Abbey and then processions to Windsor for private services and interring. There will probably be official advice not to try to travel to see the funeral, but to watch it on TV - especially with regards to the Windsor end of events - otherwise they will risk crushing injuries in the crowds.
Once all that has died down, Charles gets a coronation. That will be less intense, hopefully. As to what Charles will be like as King - I think people underestimate just how much he knows that this is an Institution. He’ll not be that bad. And he’ll have a LOT of support from newspapers, none of which want the Institution to go away. The rapidity with which some newspapers will switch from criticising to supporting him will be breathtaking. They’ll point to his stately and dignified behaviour at the funeral, as though he’s suddenly a new and changed man.
I’m dreading it.
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So she’s that Emperor, eh? The xenophobia checks out…
“…you can put a paintbrush in her exhaust pipe…”
Cool model, good work fellas 
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There could be rationing, not just of flowers but of grief itself—you won’t be allowed to be sad about anything else
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“Nor am I writing this to express displeasure with her reign”
What would that even mean? She’s a figurehead.
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I think Charles can handle a job which is the same as his current one but with involves sitting in different seat and wearing a hat every now and again. He has plenty of experience of shaking hands; waving; making small talk; drinking tea; and reading the occasional speech from an autocue.
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Dear Daily Express Agony Aunt,
I’m pretty sure I heard my neighbour say the names of his parents whilst crying yesterday. They selfishly died in a car crash recently, just before the Ascendance of Our Beloved Queen. Also the flowers he’s bought are not in the prescribed red, white and blue arrangement, and look like orchids - which where his mother’s favourite.
Must we take him to the town centre and stone him to death, or can we just hang him from the lamppost outside his house? Some of us have mobility problems so the latter would be easier.
Thanks,
Patriotic Pam
Knee-Jerk-On-The-Wold, Little England.
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The headline is written in such a way as to make it seem like she passed. The word “will” should be replaced with “would” I believe. But maybe it was intentional? Surely got me to click on it.
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Isn’t the problem with this textbook example of a walking mediocrity that he constantly goes off autocue and can’t shut his trap about stuff that’s none of the monarchy’s business?
He isn’t a horror show like Andrew, who I’m amused to see has been excluded from marring the jubilee celebrations by a very convenient bout of Covid. That’s a very low bar to clear, though.
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Uh, no. As her eventual death is inevitable, “will” is the appropriate word. We should use “would” if we were entertaining a theoretical, but not inevitable, possibility.
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