Police: “Nothing to see here.”
Male bystander: “That’s what SHE said!” (laughs, then goes home and cries)
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Ah, you beat me to it!
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Finders keepers? 
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Not being investigated as foul play? Sounds like a pretty straight forward case of Habeus Corpus Cavernosum.
I’ll show myself out.
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Anyone with any information can call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS.
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I’d like to see the vending machine that can accept…wait, no, maybe not.
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Yeah, it’s going to be a hard one - to solve, that is.
But does the victim have the balls to report the crime to the cops?
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Is there not a better source for this? The Daily Star is only slightly more reliable than the Weekly World News.
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Well huh. I was assuming it was just a packer, which admittedly may be a separate crime in Alabama.
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Leave the penis. Take the cannoli.
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Well, my mom always said it would fall off if…
OK I’m also wondering, was this a Costco station?
Because, members only.
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wait, what
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Why are the only articles about this incident only found on sketchy sites like Daily Star and Daily Caller?
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All the stories about this are re reporting a story from this news source.
When I first tried to read it it said I need to register for a free account so I did, I logged in but then it wouldn’t let me read that story unless I coughed up some money.
So them I thought I’ll check the Mobile AL Police Facebook or Twitter, nothing but there is this ad.
Maybe someone was doing what they were supposed to.
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no need for concern
Oh good, I was about to be concerned
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Okay, so it wasn’t a Bobbitt scenario then?
That must have been one hell of a crash for him to get dismembered like that.
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