Originally published at: Human penises shrinking due to pollution | Boing Boing
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First cold water, now pollution. When will it end?
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So if pollution causes microdicktion (and not the reverse) then it might be buying guns which causes nanojohnsons and not contrariwise? (euphanisms, lest we get too tumescent)
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Well not really, no, but it adds a whole new dimension to the term “toxic masculinity”
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That’s not how they think. To them this news means their dicks are getting relatively bigger and more in demand.
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Near-future Tucker Carlson headline: liberal scientists obsessed with infants’ genitals!
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And here I thought I’d found a solution!
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They told me there would be “dick shrinking”…
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“Oh hello there.”
“Hi. I couldn’t help but notice that you’re wearing an umbrella hat to the party.”
“Well yes, I find it extremely helpful when people learn what I do for a living,”
“Oh, and what is that?”
“I measure baby penises.”
–ssssppppiiiiitttt-- “Oh, I see, you’re quite right. Sorry about that.”
-Taps umbrella hat.-
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Hey, whatever works. I use potential impotence to convince adolescent male diabetics to control the sugar better, and it seems to get their attention. If that’s what it takes, and it ain’t lying, go for it.
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Which is why I’m extremely confident that these studies are bullshit, but anyway…couldn’t they have come up with a study that says conservative politics makes your penis smaller?
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So… the water was cold AND toxic… that explains everything.
The catch is that conservative policies usually don’t care about future generations; no reason to waste time worrying about “possible harm” to future generations when there’s money to be made right now.
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You know that’s not how these things work. They will spend billions of dollars solving the shrinking problem, not the environmental causes. In the distant future where we have poisoned Earth and now must humans live off planet, if men still exist I’m sure we will still be comparing and complaining about our adequacy down there.
It really is one of those things where men spend the most time thinking about other men’s dicks…
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Um. Okay. Thanks for explaining it to me, I guess. 
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Obligatory.
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Presumably Mountain Dew bottles are the worst offenders
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I apologize, let me rephrase that in a less short form way that sounds less like mansplaining.
The right, in my opinion, is far more likely to spend resources on correcting the penis shrinking than actually correcting the underlying cause. They are not interested in solving the environmental impact because of reasons already listed by others here (limited short term benefit and direct cost impacts probably being at the upper end of that list). Based on your posts I would think that you would agree that the GOP cares more about themselves than they do the common welfare of everyone. I would imagine a pharmaceutical solution that profit can be derived from would be much more preferable to creating wide scale societal change.
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I knew it!
…um, wait.
I mean, this comes as a total surprise to me!
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…and that’s just the females!
but seriously…
no, but seriously…
I don’t think we have anything to worry about. Just turn on the news - there’s plenty of giant dicks left.
Badumpsh
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