I found a locked safe hidden at the back of a closet in my new house

[TailOfTruth]

Oh my god, the thread is looping.

[OtherMichael]

It’s only a matter of time before Bruce Willis shoots us all in the head.

[LDoBe]

Oh. They were demonstrating what happens when the safety valves fail on a water heater in the basement of a 2-story house built to California code (sans walls).

I think the destruction would be about equal if it were a real house, since the water heaters are more like rockets (or maybe bullets, since the motive force is so short-lived, but powerful… Mortars?) than bombs. If they built walls around the “basement” on this structure, they’d probably get blown out too though, causing the entire structure to collapse.

[beschizza]

@M_Dub

We are faced with one of two possibilities:

1. The safe is unopened. Rob @beschizza will never open it.
2. The safe has been opened. Rob @beschizza will never tell us he’s opened it.

Therefore, Rob is keeping us in a perpetual state of not knowing whether he has opened the safe, so when we think of the safe, we think of it as simultaneously open and closed, similar to Schrödinger’s Cat being simultaneously alive and dead.

I’m naming this paradox Beschizza’s Safe.

The paradox is multidimensional in that it is unknowable whether the Beschizza’s Safe paradox applies only because it was observed.

[renke]

maybe the safe is open when no conscious observer is around. did you try combinations only when sober?

[OtherMichael]

We set up a internet-connected live-streaming microphone in Rob’s house. You could hear him trying a few combinations with muttered swearing in Elfish, footsteps stomping off to another room where the the sounds of an Atari 2600 version of Yar’s Revenge blared out for a few minutes. When that fell silent you could hear water running in a sink, then someone (presumable Rob) spitting, rinsing, and … ugh, swallowing. After that, not much until some light snores for about 15 minutes, a few snatches of words we couldn’t make out, then nothing but distant dogs or sirens for the next two hours.

Then we could hear the dial on the safe turning again. Click. Click. Slowly, surely, deliberately. Then a soft THUNK and a soft squeak of what had to be hinges.

And the tiniest tiniest footsteps we had head outside of the mice in our rafters. But mice don’t wear shoes.

The footsteps got slightly louder, then somebody rasped directly into the microphone THIS ONE HAS BEEN MARKED GET YOUR OWN and the feed cut out.

---

Could somebody check on Rob, please?

[anon61221983]

The safe getting opened would cheer us all up, I think, right? I mean, shitty year, right?

[Grey_Devil]

If we’re indeed dealing with multidimentional safes then can we apply the Infinite Monkey Theorem? We need an infinite number of Robs trying an infinite number of combinations using an infinite number cobbled together safe crackers.

In the meantime we’ll be over here at the Infinite Peanut Gallery passing judgement

[RatMan]

@anon61221983

The safe getting opened would cheer us all up, I think, right? I mean, shitty year, right?

A BoingBoing New Year’s Eve party, with explosives? I can get behind that!

[anon61221983]

Can we have it soon? Like can we end this year early?

[knoxblox]

Just kidding.

[anon61221983]

Cute bear…

[daneel]

[anon61221983]

I think I feel safer with bears than I do with some percentage of my country.

[daneel]

[knoxblox]

I have a better dog meme prepared, but waiting until people get reeeeally impatient.

[anon61221983]

OH! Can’t wait!

[anon36081309]

How Borgesian.

[beschizza]

@renke

did you try combinations only when sober?

The Spartan ephors replied with a single word: “When.”

[stinkinbadgers]

I’m worried the inside of the safe will be bear.