You might be astonished to learn how many women have told me (seriously, with a straight face) that women like you do not actually exist, except in cases of insanity or in male fantasies. There seem to be a lot of women that believe it’s not “normal” to have a high sex drive - they’ll tell you flat out that all the research on the subject is just plain wrong, and most “real live women” don’t desire sex more than once a month or so, if at all. It puzzles me as to why they’d want to believe this. Who cares what is “normal” as long as you can find a partner who is willing to play along, and nobody gets hurt? Why should it matter?
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I hear people talk about addiction to looking at porn, and I hear people talk about addiction to masturbation, and sometimes they’re just addicted to sex somehow… and these stories are told as if they’re all the same thing. Which makes me suspicious that there’s more going on. Sure, I get it that you can have an unhealthy addiction to something that’s otherwise yummy, but it’s the unhealthy part that’s the problem, not that you do a lot of it. We get this, that there’s a big difference between an alcoholic and a merely heavy drinker, but where’s this distinction with sex? I guess I need to hear more of these stories to know the difference.
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Probably social expectations. That I kinda learned real soon in life I would never conform to, no matter how hard I tried and that is paradoxically very isolating and freeing at the same time. Since I’m a nerd and a weirdo, who cares if my libido is “different”? The same social expectations that tell the OP that she SHOULD feel guilty about her libido so she searches for situations that confirm her feelings?
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You’re wrong. “Male-preference primogeniture” means that the first-born male inherits everything. “Primogeniture” is the state of being the first-born child. Primogeniture itself cannot be male, female, masculine or feminine.
“Masculine primogeniture” is incorrect. You’re referring to male-preference primogeniture. Primogeniture is a state or a right, which doesn’t have a gender.
Works for me. I will be happy to use your preferred dialect! It seems clearer.
I was responding to the term “masculine primogeniture”, which is an impossibility because the state of being first-born doesn’t have a gender, nor do any ensuing rights. It should be “male-preference primogeniture”.
As for paternity confidence, I’m trying to explain to you why men care about how many partners a woman has (had), and it stems fundamentally from the need for paternity confidence. A husband is more likely to divorce his wife if she cheats on him than she is of divorcing him if he cheats on her. The double standard about promiscuity is pervasive, and it has nothing to do with culture or the past 2000 or 5000 years. It’s silly to mention that most sex is not about procreation. Why do women exhibit different preferences for men when they’re ovulating, even when they’re not planning to conceive? Why do men continue to be attracted to young women as they age, even if they don’t want to have (more) kids? Because of biological urges stemming from millions of years of evolution.
It is sad that people often can’t get the sexual gratification they crave in traditional monogamous relationships, but good golly, are you sure your husband would feel inadequate or pity for you if you masturbated?
That seems kind of strange to me because he is almost certainly masturbated while he’s been married to you.
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Arguably porn is the “high fructose corn syrup,” of sex…It fulfills a craving, but it actually isn’t particularly fulfilling…
It’s unfortunate that she feels shame for looking at porn. That is just an expression of natural curiosity about sex and there is nothing shameful about the way that people simply are. People generally look at porn unless they have a compelling religious or political reason not to.
Maybe the extent to which it occupies her time and attention is detrimental to her well being, but that is a separate question and she is doing nothing to be ashamed of.
The secrecy involved does not make it shameful. Working in porn and viewing porn are judged by many people in society so it is reasonable to be discrete about it. It’s a private matter and there is no need to share it with anyone else.
'Cause it’s hard out there for a horndog? I’ve also had libido mismatch issues as a man. I have a high libido, and it seems like I’ve had the bad luck of mutual gravitation towards women with low or non-existent libidos… But then you fall in love, what are you supposed to do? You try to make it work. I can’t say that it’s the wrong choice. It may be the wrong choice for you, but who am I to decide what’s important for this couple? God knows I’ve had to make that choice enough times myself. I’ve even ended an extremely promising relationship over it. Speaking purely culturally, I don’t believe that biological norms apply here, this conflict is very well established in literature and across our consciousness for men. I suspect it’s always been the case for a lot of women but has been more taboo.
Reading this just reminded met of eighties comedies where all of the essential elements are recycled garbage from other comedies except PLOT-TWIST! The protagonist is a woman! I don’t really tolerate this kind of whining from men because I’ve seen this movie a million times too. I’ve met plenty of men who are oddly not shy about sharing the fact that they’re not getting enough. My reaction can be summed up as, “Welcome to the land of being a grown-up, where no one has good answers.” This is usually when someone chimes in with, “Monogamy is broken!” That’s not an answer either. There are plenty of horny people who don’t have any interest in multiple partners.
In an ideal world we’d all be matched to people we find attractive and who have the same proclivities across the same section of lifespan we intend on sharing with them. That’s not the one we live in, which is why this story is so damn common.
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I don’t know about overall libido, but certainly there are women that have orgasms very easily and as a result they set the bar very low for men. They hang out with some guy that probably couldn’t microwave a burrito, let alone give a regular woman an orgasm, but he’s able to give her an orgasm because she is so easily aroused. And he turns out to be a dud overall. In a woman with a normal threshold for an orgasm, it establishes some minimal level of competency for the male.
And “normal” is subjective. Why don’t we talk about what is “natural” for each of us, respectively, not what’s “normal” for everyone else?
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Yeah, I totally agree! Not everything “natural” is necessarily good, but it’s probably a better, more sane starting point for discussion than anyone’s perception of “normal”.
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