Infomercial for $90 "power" candles


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10000 mAh portable candle. Oh, I suppose we’re talking about a different sort of power here.


Help me out. Is the PC term Conwoman or Conperson?


There have always been dumb people and others have always preyed on them.


Con-artist. They liked the Subway “sandwich-artist” thing so they went with that.


People I’ve never heard of trading on their “reputation”.


Isn’t this the sort of thing that is best left to rot in obscurity and will only gain more power if attention is brought to it? (Now there’s some “magic”.)


I asked my son for one for Christmas, but he doesn’t have $90. Doesn’t he realize how easily he could get $90 if only he had this power candle?


Tell ya what… I like you, so I’m going to give ya a special deal – I’ll give you TWO Power Candles for $180! (don’t let anybody else know – I can’t afford to let everyone in on this)
#Act Now!


The Psychic hotline would have paid you millions!


Through my (soon-to-be) patent-pending proprietary orgone-chakra technology, I can now produce power candles for a bulk price of $40! This is a deal you can’t afford to pass up!


Shut up and take my money!


I dunno. . . I mean. . . they cost ninety dollars!. . .

If they were like. . . five dollars. . . with a picture of the Virgin Mary on them. . . then sure, a load of bunk. . .

but. . . ninety dollars . . . ?

seems legit.

Look, I bet right now she has HUNDREDS of those candles burning backstage, pretty much ensuring her own success. She doesn’t even need to go to Vegas, she can just light up those candles and the money comes pouring in. I want a piece of that action.


BOB! Where ya’ been?


As with ‘fisherman’ and ‘fisherwoman’, the correct term is ‘con’.


No. She practices an alternative, artisanal form of honesty, that is older and purer than your white male dominated books of law. She follows her destined role on the Threefold path, of the Wise Woman, The Sucker, and The Money that is soon Parted.

I had better stop writing this before someone starts believing it.


The thing is, she might actually believe in this nonsense. I like Hanlon’s Razor in situations like this:


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I bought one of her Wisdom candles a long time ago. I burned it in accordance with the instructions, thought about how much I’d spend on it and the possibility that it would have any effect, and let me tell you this - I am definitely wiser.

Having ordered one from her web catalog, I was sent a private letter informing me that she has many ‘off-menu’ items available. I can’t tell you what they are, because she swore me to secrecy, but believe me, they are worth knowing about. I encourage you to order one today.

My ‘vigorous stamina’, ‘extended performance’ and ‘explosive finish’ candles arrived today. But I’ve already said too much.


You people would be more sympathetic if you knew that she molds these special candles from her own ear wax. She suffers from a condition where she needs to harvest approximately 80lbs of ear wax every day from her head just to survive.