Jezebel apologizes for hiring Cannibal Witch as writer-at-large

Asking for a friend are we?

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Some folks like them rare!

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Not really. Eating the brains is the express train but you should avoid eating your own species, plus anything that eats your species regularly. We didn’t end up with mad cow by feeding cow brains to cows.

ETA: This post is important because there is no other way to determine whether or not we should eat humans.

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You have to plan for the lean times.

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Babies R Us?

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Virginia

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aaaahhhhh, thank you. i KNEW i was missing a piece of this somehow.

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Actually, it was because we were feeding them sheep’s brains, but I think it is possible to spread it through feces as well.

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Hiring the witch seemed like a modest proposal.

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Now you tell me… and they’re going out of business. Thanks.

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“I adore children but could never eat a whole one.”

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I mean, Costco sells just about everything. You can check with them but then you gotta buy something like a 50 pack of kids and that’s just excessive.

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Say No to Raw Children!

https://www.cdc.gov/features/no-raw-children/index.html

When you prepare children for dough, cake mixes, or even bread, you may be tempted to taste a bite before it is fully cooked. But steer clear of this temptation—eating or tasting unbaked children can make you sick. Witches can get sick from handling or eating raw children used for crafts or fetishes, too.

Children Can Contain Bacteria That Cause Disease

A child is typically a raw agricultural product. This means it hasn’t been treated to kill germs like Escherichia coli (E. coli). Harmful germs can contaminate a child while it’s still in the home or playground. The bacteria are killed when food made with children is cooked. This is why you should never taste or eat raw children. In 2016, an outbreak of E. coli infections linked to raw children made 63 people sick. Children have long shelf lives and could be in people’s homes for a long time. If you have any past-date children in your home, throw them away.

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The problem was we were grinding up the otherwise unsellable parts of lots of animals to feed to other animals and to use as plant fertilizer and it turns out prions are really good at sticking around. After all, it’s not believed that the human form of BSE was contracted solely by humans who ate cow brains, you can get it by eating any part of an infected cow.

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They’re sold in Duggars, but most people go in with a friend and split the carton.

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They were straight up feeding sheep’s brains to cows in the UK (ground up and mixed with meal, of course), which is why it was a big thing there but vanishingly rare here (up until about 10 years ago I couldn’t give blood in the US because of it).

The disease is mostly confined to the central nervous system, but automated butchery methods around the spine, particularly using high-powered water jets to get the last little bits of meat off of the vertebrae, can introduce bits of infected spinal cord into sold meat.

It can pass into the intestines as well, though.

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If I get a defective one in the pack, do I have to return them all?

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We’re watching you comrade.

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That’s a feature, not a bug.

Our supermarket has a “Family Pack” section.

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