Kentucky's Noah's Ark religious attraction to open next summer

I can’t wait. That wave pool will be truly awesome. As riders fight to stay on their boogie boards, the loudspeakers will boom, “Do you not fear Me!? Do you not tremble in My presence!?” And at the end a sullen teenager in a John the Baptist costume will ride in on a zip line and spray everyone with a fire hose.


I think that self-navigating torpedo with an 11 000km range and a nuclear warhead actually falls into the category of “let’s troll NATO” rather than a particularly likely development. Like the Ekranoplan.

Its all forced perspective–the Ark is only about the size of a Datsun, but the AIGineers have designed it in a way that it looks like 40 cubits from the other side of the lake (you can wait for it to part or just walk across).

Savvy visitors will be on the lookout for all the Hidden Hams (a circle with two dollar signs for nostril slits) sprinkled throughout the park.

Oh, that scent? Fresh baked bullshit, pumped out from a vent near the Answers in Genesis reading room.


Now for that, I would book a trip.

Might also contribute to elevating the nation’s overall average intelligence!


As an almost completely unrelated aside, I would love to hear your thoughts on this story, @Mindysan33:

I have no real dog in that particular fight, as my kids didn’t go to that preschool, and in fact no longer attend the public school across the street this year. But I’ll tell ya right now that it’s SO Silver Lake that this particular tempest in a teapot was splashed on the front page of Jezebel. My family had a somewhat similar experience at a formerly-highly-regarded preschool in Pasadena, and I’m simultaneously alarmed and amused by these battles between the owners/administrators of progressive preschools and the highly-involved (not to say helicopter) parents who start choosing up sides in these battles.

There’s some big ol’ 21st-century Harper Valley PTA shit going on in my circles, and I never saw it coming.

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Wow, that’s some crazy stuff. It’s shame, too, because all these kids are actually learning is to just perpetuate this kind of behavior. I’d say this is what happens when we commodify education to such an extent. I’ve heard similar stories from tonier in town private schools here in the ATL.

But yeah, it’s a weird back and forth between elite parents and the people running these schools and it gets so personal.

What really upsets me is that these are elite folks who are more parentier than thou, and look down on the rest of us, especially those with lesser means than us, who can afford to make these same choices.

But yeah. Yuck all around there. Hopefully, you guys have a less poisonous atmosphere for your spawn! I love my daughter’s school and she’s rather happy there. It’s not as swank as some of the other private schools around the ATL, but I think my kids doing excellent where she is.

[ETA] Can I also say that I’m not sure that the people who ran this school understand the spirit of Montessori, which is sort of invoked. I think someone without any experience with the method would walk into a Montessori class and see no structure, but there is a structure there. It’s just that it acknowledges that kids are often more comfortable moving about a classroom. It also understands that kids will rise to the occasion if you hold them to expectations.

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I was going to post my favorite-ever poem about Noah’s Ark (and Charles Darwin), but it turns out I already have.

Also, will this be a one-pair-of-every-animal ark, or a seven-pairs-of-every-animal ark?

& @Donald_Petersen - have you guys seen this?

After viewing this doc nothing surprises me in the world of “elite” day cares!


The “slurp” heard around the world.

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Although its supposed to open on July 7, it would be hilarious if construction was delayed due to excessive rain, no?


It’s to open next summer and close down five to ten summers thereafter, if previous Christian theme parks provide useful precedents. I recollect they put together some local bonds to help fund this thing.

Oh, that would be totally fascinating. And sadly no one is ever going to build it.

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Okay, so I’m totally opposed to the religious indoctrination part, the waste of money, and the general stupidity of the whole thing. But, damn! It’s pretty big! It look like a great playhouse to run around in with my son, having a lot of fun! I just might have to go!

Hoping to pick up a dinosaur saddle or two in their gift shop.


So, it’s like a museum, but for Creationists?

Yeesh. Yeah, I simultaneously identify with those parents and cringe at the same time. I comfort myself with the knowledge that we’ve chosen our kids’ schools with an eye toward finding a good educational fit that sets them up for a lifetime of loving learning, rather than with an eye toward getting them into a “good college” down the road. They already have advantages enough. If they want to get into, say, an Ivy League school, they’re gonna have to work for it themselves through publicly-funded schools.

That expensive private preschool thing was… ugh. Ain’t doing that again.

Everyone knows that God used magical clown-car technology to fit all the animals in the ark.


cats and rats

yes, I know the damned song by heart!

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Side note: I told you “youth” was a misnomer! LOL

It’s all relative…to me, 40s is young!


A rollercoaster might at least help you understand Newtonian mechanics. Noah’s Ark is not likely to be contextualised to explain the way a story about a farmer who found a clever way to move his stock to higher ground during inundations (build a reed raft) turned into a myth about a world-wide flood.